She nodded, swallowing the enormous lump that had formed in her throat. “I’m sorry I was so angry with you…at the Cranberrys’ ball,” she finally murmured.
“You had every reason to be angry.”
“But I didn’t know—”
“I didn’t tell you what happened to me so that you would feel sorry for me, Sophie. I told you because…”
“Because?” She lifted her gaze to his. “Why? I thought about it, Phillip. Malcolm died two months after the battle. Did it take you the entire last year to recover?”
Phillip’s jaw went tight. “It doesn’t matter.”
Sophie frowned. “What do you mean? Of course it matters.”
He paced away from her. Then turned to face her, a determined look in his eye. “The fact is that I’m no longer the man I used to be. The war…changed me. You may not want Hugh, but you shouldn’t want me, either. I would no longer make a good husband for you, Sophie.”
The tears that had been burning the backs of her eyes since they’d began this discussion came rolling down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry, Sophie,” he said. His face turning tender, he stepped toward her and pulled a handkerchief from the inside pocket of his coat. He wiped her tears away with the soft linen and handed it to her.
“You don’t want me any longer, Phillip?” She hated herself for asking the question. It sounded so needy.
“I will always want you, Sophie,” he whispered, lifting a hand and tracing her cheekbone. He pushed an errant curl behind her ear. Then he leaned down, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her.
The first shock of his lips on hers made Sophie freeze, but as his mouth moved against hers, hot and searching, she opened her lips and allowed him inside. She lifted on tiptoes, wrapped her arms around his neck, and moaned against his mouth, leaning fully into his kiss. Never wanting it to stop. Oh, God. She’d dreamed of this so many times, lying alone in her bed at night. This was what she’d wanted for so long. To be back in Phillip’s arms.
Phillip splayed a hand against her lower back and pulled her tight against his body. She moaned again. His mouth slanted across hers, and he gently cupped one of her cheeks as his tongue continued its gentle assault. Finally, he shuddered and pulled himself away from her, taking a step back as if to solidify the distance between them.
He expelled his breath. “Do I need to apologize for that, too?” he asked, eyeing her carefully.
“Of course not,” she breathed. “But I don’t understand. First, you told me I shouldn’t want you, then you told me you do want me. What am I to think?”
“I am sorry,” he said. “I had to kiss you…one last time.”
His words were like a dagger to her heart. She might not be entirely certain of what she wanted, but hearing Phillip tell her it was over was more painful than she ever could have guessed. She had to try one more time to get him to tell her the truth.
“What happened to you on the Continent, Phillip? Why do you think I shouldn’t want you?”
“You’ve always been too good for me, Sophie,” he replied, touching her lightly under the chin with his forefinger.
They both knew that had been an evasive reply. Fine. He was clearly refusing to tell her what she wanted to know. Well, she refused to cry any more. She’d cried quite enough over Phillip Grayson. Wiping her tears and returning his handkerchief to him, she took another step back. She’d agreed to come out here half to antagonize the gossipmongers and half to remind him he might be in danger. But this encounter had taken an awfully painful turn. She could bear no more. Not tonight. Her heart was too fragile.
Instead, she mentally shook herself and forced herself to change the subject. “Why did you risk coming here tonight? Didn’t you get my message? You may be in danger.”
His smile held an edge of irony. “I’ve been in danger since the moment I stepped back into town. But I saw Hugh this afternoon, and he led me to believe he may attempt to claim that I’m an imposter.”
Sophie frowned. “An imposter? That’s ludicrous. How can he possibly think that claim would work?”
“I’m not certain he thinks it any longer after meeting with me, but I suspect he had hoped I was an imposter when he spoke to your father and stepmother earlier.”
Sophie shook her head. Accusing Phillip of being an imposter was absurd, of course, but it would explain what Hugh had meant when he’d asked Papa and Valentina to give him a few more days. Perhaps that’s why they had been willing to wait. Did they honestly believe Phillip was an imposter as well? If so, they would all be sorely disappointed.
Phillip offered his arm again. “Allow me to take you back inside before the gossipmongers die from fits of agony. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for Lady Cranberry’s demise.”
“Agreed. If that happened, who would we have to judge for wearing far too many feathers in her hair?” Sophie replied, allowing a brief smile to flit across her face.
She took Phillip’s arm and allowed him to lead her back toward the ballroom. One thing was certain: Phillip was still hiding something, something he didn’t want her to know about the time he was away. If Sophie would ever learn the truth, it wouldn’t be from Phillip. She would have to go to someone else.
And she knew just who that might be.
