His body shuddered and his pressed his forehead hard against hers, his breath coming out in short, hard pants.
“Rhys, I—” Julianna pulled the fur aside to look down at what he’d done. “I wanted you to make love to me.” Disappointment sounded in her tone.
“I can’t, Julianna,” he breathed, trying to pull her back into his arms. “You know that.”
“Why?” Anger mixed with the disappointment this time.
Still breathing heavily, Rhys forced himself to roll to the side, silently cursing himself with every breath. Somewhere in the back of his consciousness, he was aware that the storm had broken and the sun was shining through the windows again. He pushed away the covers, stood, and padded into the kitchen where he dipped a towel in a bucket of water and returned to Julianna’s side.
Silently, he wiped his seed from her skin. “I’m sorry, Julianna. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Julianna pulled one of the furs up beneath her arms to cover her nakedness. “Why, Rhys? Why shouldn’t you have? We’ve always had feelings for each other. Feelings that wouldn’t have changed if things had happened differently.”
He cursed under his breath again, then turned and pulled on his still-damp breeches. “But things didn’t happen differently.”
“That’s not our fault. You know as well as I do that we have strong feelings for each other. We’ve had those feelings for well over a year.”
“You hated me for months,” he pointed out.
She rubbed a hand against her forehead. “Because I didn’t know the truth. But I always wanted you, and you always wanted me.”
Rhys scrubbed a hand through his hair. He was bloody well tempted to tell her why he hadn’t made love to her. But what good could possibly come from it? “Damn it, Julianna. That doesn’t change the facts now. You’re betrothed. That means something.”
Anger flashed in her eyes. “Did it mean something when you were kissing me at the tree line? Did it mean something when you were touching me with yourtonguejust now?”
“Yes, damn it. We had a momentary lapse of judgment,” he ground out.
“Both times?” she countered.
“Both times,” he echoed, his voice flat.
The look in her eyes was a mixture of anger and recrimination. “No, Rhys. You’re using that as an excuse. You know as well as I do what we have, what we’ve meant to each other.”
He clenched his jaw. “Please, Julianna. For once in my blasted life, I’m trying to do the right thing. You’re betrothed to Murdock.”
“I don’t love him.”
“Don’t say that.”
She tossed a hand in the air. “We both know it’s true.” Tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. She stared at him helplessly. “Do you loveme, Rhys?” she asked, her gaze fiercely locked with his.
They stayed that way for what felt like endless seconds, neither of them saying a word.
Her jaw clenched, she pulled her shift on first, then her habit. She stood and straightened her skirts. “Never mind. I should get back to the manor house. For Mama’s sake.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Julianna made the last several hundred yards of the trip back to the stables alone. Rhys had waited in the copse of trees watching her, in case her mother was still in the stables. He didn’t want to risk the duchess seeing him and asking a lot of questions.
He needn’t have worried. When Julianna rode Alabaster back into the stables, a large group gathered to welcome her, but her mother was not there. The stablemaster quickly informed her that they’d convinced Mama to return to her bedchamber and wait for word.
First, Mr. Hereford hurriedly dispatched Henry to the manor house to inform the duchess that her daughter had returned, then the stablemaster helped Julianna down from the horse and quickly wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.
“Are you all right?” Lord Clayton asked. He’d obviously been out in the rain too because he was soaking wet along with half the stablehands.
“I’m sorry to have worried all of you,” Julianna said to the assembled group, wrapping the blanket more tightly over her shoulders. Guilt swamped her. “I’m sorry to have put you all to such trouble,” she added.
Julianna was carted back to the house posthaste by a pair of groomsmen who turned her over to a pair of housemaids inside the house. From there, the maids escorted her back up to her bedchamber where her hovering mother insisted that she lie down and rest to prevent herself from catching a cold.
