Julianna silently hugged her knees, rocking back and forth, while tears continued to drip down her face.
“It’s true,” Rhys continued, swallowing the lump of fear and guilt and doubt that had formed in his throat. “I was blind, and I didn’t want you to feel obligated to commit to a blind man.”
She lifted her head to meet his gaze again. “I wouldn’t have tossed you over, you must know that.”
“Yes, but would you have loved me? Would you have wanted me?” The words somehow made it through his dry throat.
“Yes, yes of course.” Tears streamed down her cheeks now.
He pressed his lips together. “You say that, but you can’t reallyknow, Julianna.”
She searched his face, her eyes red from crying. She pressed a hand to her chest. “You don’t believe me?”
“I want to, Julianna. Truly I do.” He’d never meant words more. Never been more ashamed of the truth.
Her tears stopped. They were quickly replaced by anger. She clenched her jaw. “I’d given you no reason not to trust me. Why did you send me that awful letter?”
“I…” His voice faltered. “I felt as if I had no choice. I wanted you to be free to marry a whole man.”
Julianna staggered to her feet. “I feel more betrayed by that admission than I did by that hideous letter. Why, Rhys?Whycan’t you trust me?”
He stood too and clasped her hands in his, searching her face. “You don’t know how difficult it is for me to trust. I wish to hell I wasn’t that way, but I am.”
“Why? Tell me why, damn you!” She wrenched one wrist from his grasp.
He let her other wrist go and expelled his breath, rubbing his forehead where a headache had begun to form. “My father always told me I’d only be wanted for my title. I felt… Julianna, when I met you, I felt as if I had actually met someone who might love me for me.”
Her brow crumpled. She searched his face. “And after you went blind, you decided that wasn’t true? I still don’t understand.Why?”
“The truth is…” He glanced away. Hating himself for every word he was about to say. “I think I was too cowardly to learn the truth. I couldn’t have stood it if you had rejected me.”
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes again briefly and nodded. Then she shook her head. “So you didn’t even give me the chance.”
He nodded.
Wiping away a fresh set of tears, Julianna lowered herself back onto the blanket. She took a deep breath. “When did you regain your sight?” she asked quietly.
Rhys resumed his seat beside her again. “Not until this past April, after you were engaged.”
“So that’s why you decided to write me the letter telling me you hoped I hadn’t thought too much of our acquaintance.”
He nodded. “Until then, I hadn’t decided what I would say to you. I dictated it to my valet.”
“That explains the handwriting,” she said with a humorless laugh.
“Did he do a poor job of it?”
“It didn’t seem like you,” she said, shaking her head slowly.
Rhys clenched his hand into a fist against the blanket. “I hated dictating that letter. But I couldn’t let you go on thinking you cared for a blind man.”
She searched his face. “Ididcare for a blind man, Rhys. Don’t you understand?”
He glanced away. “I expected you to be angry, hate me even, but then when my valet read the paper to me that day last spring, the column that mentioned how you’d set your sights on Murdock because you’d failed with me, I was convinced you’d only ever cared about my title.”
“You were wrong, Rhys. And so was the meaningless paper.” Her words sounded angry, but there was also an underlying tone of resignation. And perhaps sadness.
It tore at him. He met her gaze again. “I know that now, Julianna, but what’s done is done. For what it’s worth, however, I am truly sorry.”
