Julianna’s eyes filled with tears. Why was something so obvious to her sister so difficult for her to admit? “I don’t know. I…I don’t think I am very happy about the wedding though,” she allowed herself to admit. “That may be why I cannot sleep.”
“How did it feel to say that?” Mary asked in a quiet, reassuring voice.
Julianna contemplated the question for a few moments before a truly happy smile spread across her face. She knew for certain it was the first time in months her smile had been genuine. “It felt good, actually. Quite good, if I’m honest.”
Mary reached over and laid her hand atop Julianna’s. “Anna, you’ve always been so good and dutiful. The perfect daughter in the perfect family. I’ve always admired you for it.”
Tears stung the backs of Julianna’s eyes again. “The last thing I feel is perfect. Lately I feel like I’m quite a mess.”
Mary shook her head. “You’re far from a mess, Anna. But you are only human. And I think you’ve gone about the last few years, at least the last few months, putting everyone else’s desires ahead of your own.”
“It feels wrong to do anything less,” Julianna admitted.
“Anna, think about it. You kissed Mr. Worthy.”
Julianna buried her face in her hands. “I know. I already told you I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No, no,” Mary’s voice was soft and forgiving. “I didn’t mean that. I meant that you need to ask yourself why. I think it’s because for the first time in your life, you’re defying what’s expected of you.”
“Being rebellious, you mean?” Julianna asked with a half-hearted laugh.
“Yes, well, as rebellious as you and I will ever get, perhaps. But you’re not happy. And kissing Mr. Worthy was a way to express that.”
Bless it. If only her lovely, trusting little sister knew the whole truth.
“It does make some sense,” Julianna allowed. “But you know as well as I do that Mama and Papa would be devastated if I called off my engagement to Lord Murdock.”
Mary nodded sagely. “But consider thatyoumight well be devastated if you don’t.”
Julianna squeezed her sister’s hand. “It’s not as if I can marry a groomsman.”
“Perhaps not, but the fact that you can’t keep from blushing when you’re in Mr. Worthy’s presence tells me a great deal.”
“I do not blush around Mr. Worthy!” Julianna insisted.
A sly smile popped to Mary’s lips. “Very well. If you say so. I’m certain your cheeks turn red for an entirely different reason around him, then.”
Julianna shook her head and smiled. “I blush around Mr. Worthy?” she asked, scrunching up her nose. Oh, God. If that were true, she could only hope Rhys didn’t notice. No. If he’d noticed, no doubt, he would have mentioned it to her by now.
“Yes,” Mary confirmed, “even though you two have begun trading barbs, which, for the life of me, I don’t understand.”
“It’s…complicated,” Julianna replied, biting her lip. How could she possibly explain it to Mary?
“I only know that I’ve never seen you that way with a gentleman of theton. It reminded me of the way you used to speak about the Duke of Wor…” Mary let her sentence trail off and pressed her lips together. “I’m sorry, Julianna. I didn’t mean to mention Detestable.”
Julianna patted her sister’s hand. Mary was such a dear. She was always thinking about other people’s feelings. Here she was at this house party to look for a potential match for herself and instead she was worried about Julianna’s match with Murdock, and how she appeared to be enamored of a groomsman.
“At least the wedding’s not till spring,” Julianna replied with a sigh. “I have plenty of time to contemplate the matter. I expect it will all feel better to me after a bit of time passes.”
Mary gave her a dubious glance. “I don’t think that’s how it works, Anna.”
“You let me worry about Lord Murdock and Mr. Worthy,” Julianna said, shaking away the unsettling thoughts of her upcoming wedding. They’d spent long enough talking about her, at any rate. “You should be much more interested in finding a match. At dinner tonight, did you speak with Lord Mixton again about going for a ride?”
Mary shook her head. “I’m not certain I’m brave enough yet. I need another riding lesson. Do you think Mr. Worthy would be up to the task?”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Rhys couldn’t help his smile when Julianna and Mary arrived at the stables early the next morning. Julianna might be a thorn in his side at the moment, but the woman was nothing if not determined.
