Derek continued to stare out across the water. “I would never ask this, of course, because I am a man and we don’t ask such things of other men, but if Lucy were here, she would want to know why you let Erienne go.”
“I didn’tlether go. She left me … again.” Collin’s voice was cold as ice, even to his own ears.
“She didn’t leave you the first time, did she?” his brother asked. “You told her you wouldn’t marry her.”
He frowned at Derek. “How did you—?”
“Lucy told me you mentioned Erienne to her once when you were in your cups. I think you’re forgetting another time you were in your cups,” Derek added, finally shifting his attention from the water to Collin’s face. “One night, fourteen years ago, we’d both come home on leave together. You’d been out for a while that afternoon, and we went to the pub in town. You drank more that night than I’ve ever seen you drink. And you told me what happened with Erienne.”
Collin cursed under his breath. “Leaving her was the bloody most painful thing I’ve ever done.”
“I understand, believe me. I also understand what it feels like to think you’re not good enough.” He set down his pole and scooped up a stone from the creek bed. “After I was made a duke, it took a great deal of time before I felt anywhere near comfortable around the aristocracy. Lucy was the only one I felt right with for a long time. And that’s because she’s so unconventional.”
Collin blew out a breath. “What are you trying to say, Derek?”
“I’m saying that you and I are the same. We came from nothing, and we’ve felt as if we deserve nothing because of it. But that’s not true. You’ve made yourself the man you are today, Collin, and you deserve everything good in life. Including love.”
Collin hung his head. “You don’t understand. She’s always been too good for me.”
“She’s always loved you. She sees who you are, not where you came from.”
Collin clenched his jaw so tightly it hurt. “But what if I don’t know how to be good enough for her?”
“You’re already good enough. You always have been. That’s what it means to be loved.” Derek clapped his brother on the shoulder. “What do you want, Collin? For once in your life, think about your own desire, your own pleasure, not what’s expected of you, not what you think you don’t deserve.”
Collin shook his head and tried to retort, to douse the emotion roiling in the air, but the words caught on the lump that had formed in his throat.
“You’ve spent your entire life denying yourself everything,” his brother said more gently. “You’re more interested in your paperwork than your feelings. Believe me, I understand, but when you’re on your deathbed one day …” Derek pitched the stone at the water, watched it skip and sink, then he looked at Collin again, hard. “Paperwork is cold comfort, Coll. Ask yourself, for once … what doyoutruly want?”
Chapter Twenty-One
Exactly one sennight later, Erienne sat in the Countess of Marsden’s drawing room. The countess had four children ranging in age from six months to six years, and she was looking for a suitable governess. Mrs. Griggs, having spoken at length with the Duchess of Claringdon, had seen fit to send Erienne to this interview, and Erienne was hoping against hope she’d be offered the position. She’d spent her last shilling on this week’s rent, and she’d just received a letter from home indicating that Peter had taken a turn for the worse.
“Your references are impeccable,” Lady Marsden said. “You speak fluent French and—”
The door to the countess’s drawing room flew open and Collin Hunt came striding in, looking handsome and dashing in his uniform, his rows of medals shining in the sunlight that streamed through the windows.
Well.
For an instant, no one moved. Then Erienne gulped and hid an involuntary smile.
“What is the meaning of this?” Lady Marsden glanced around as if someone might explain to her why a strange man had just burst into her drawing room.
The butler came running in behind Collin. “My apologies, my lady,” the man said, looking as if he’d never been so affronted in his life. “I tried to stop him, but this soldier insisted upon seeing ... Miss Stone.”
“Miss Stone?” the countess repeated, clutching at her pearls. She turned to Erienne and stared at her. “Why is the army after you?”
Erienne could only stare at Collin. “What are you doing here?”
He marched over to her and dropped to one knee in front of the settee where she sat. Then, as though he and Erienne were the only people in the room, he took both of her hands in his and gazed deeply into her eyes. “I’m sorry to interrupt you like this, but I couldn’t wait another moment to tell you that I love you madly and cannot live my life without you. Will you marry me, Erienne Stone?”
The countess rapidly fanned herself while the butler looked aghast.
Tears of joy and repressed grief burned her eyes. “Do you mean it, Collin? You’re not here out of guilt?” She searched his handsome face for even the faintest flicker of something amiss.
“Never.” He shook his head.
“Duty?” she asked next.
