Leaving had been the right thing to do. At least she’d decided that much on her long, bumpy ride back from the countryside. She was certain she’d made the correct choice. So why did she feel so ... sad? She’d had to leave. Because she knew, without a doubt, that Collin would let her go again. Just as he had the first time, without any attempt to stop her, and ultimately that was why they shouldn’t be together. True love didn’t let go. And Collin had let go. Twice now, by her count.
His work had been more important to him than she was the first time. Perhaps his pride was what would keep him away this time, but it didn’t matter the reason. Whatever his excuse, the result was the same. Collin didn’t love her enough to fight for her, and he never had. It was sad and unfortunate, but it was true.
She hadn’t left to test him. Never that. She’d left because she knew in her bones that she never should have accepted the position as governess in Lucy and Derek’s house in the first place. She’d known it was wrong and she’d taken it regardless, out of greed for the wages she’d been promised, but even more, hoping to catch a glimpse of Collin or at least hear some news.
Now she’d done far more than that.
She’d left for another reason as well. She never in a thousand years wanted Collin to think she’d spent the night with him because she expected more from him than that. There was no better way to make it clear. She hadn’t been attempting to force an offer from him or to appeal to his sense of guilt or duty. She wanted him as a woman wants a man, and she’d been telling the truth when she wrote him the good-bye letter telling him she’d never forget last night. She would cherish the memory forever. It was all she’d have of him for the rest of her life.
Now she needed to get about the business of once again forgetting the past and moving on with the future, her maxim. Even if it would be twice as difficult this time around.
First things first. Once she was settled here, she’d pay a visit to Mrs. Griggs and attempt to explain the situation in person. Perhaps if Erienne was convincing, her employer might take pity on her for leaving Huntingdon and send her for an interview at another house.
She would get through this minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, but no matter what, she wouldn’t think of Collin Hunt. She would not.
And she refused to have any regrets.
Chapter Nineteen
Darkness had fallen when a knock on the door to her flat startled Erienne. She’d started off trying to unpack her trunk, but instead she’d been staring blindly into the rickety wardrobe, lost in thought. She shook herself, made her way over to the door, and called, “Who is it?”
London could be a dangerous place for a lone female, and although she was a confirmed spinster and traveled without a maid, she wasn’t about to open the door to just anyone, especially at night.
“It’s Lucy Hunt. May I come in?”
Erienne let out a startled gasp and then immediately clapped her hands over her mouth, praying the duchess hadn’t heard the noise.
Drat. She hated to allow a woman as grand as the Duchess of Claringdon to see the pathetic flat she’d taken. Of course, if Lucy had made it this far into the building, no doubt she already had a good guess as to how wretched the interior would be.
Erienne immediately unlocked the door and swung it open.
There stood the duchess, in her fine kid boots and traveling coat, wearing an expression that could only be described as both guilty and regretful. “May I come in?” she asked softly.
“Of course.”
Erienne moved aside and Lucy stepped past her into the space. She didn’t betray her thoughts as to the look of the place, but Erienne’s cheeks heated with shame nonetheless. “Your grace—”
“Now, none of that,” the duchess replied. “I asked you to call me Lucy, and I expect you always to call me Lucy.”
“Very well. Lucy.” Erienne motioned to the small table and chairs, the only place to sit. Without hesitation, Lucy strolled over and took a seat as though they were visiting in the finest salon. The duchess beckoned to Erienne to take the seat beside her.
Erienne did so while making a helpless gesture. “I’d offer to take your coat and hat and provide tea, but—”
“No need. I don’t intend to stay long.”
Erienne took a deep breath. “I’m sorry you felt you had to come all the way from the country to find me. I left a note.”
“I read it,” Lucy replied. “I tracked you down by asking the coachman at the posting house where you’d gone.”
Erienne nodded. “I’m sorry, Lucy. Truly I am. I just couldn’t—”
“Dear, it is I who owes you an apology. As my husband likes to point out, at times I can be a bit … overzealous in my quest to ensure true love has its chance.” She leaned forward to capture Erienne’s gaze. “I fear, in this case, I failed you.”
A small part of Erienne, the one that had foolishly hoped Lucy had come to say Collin was beside himself and wanted her back, died a quick death within her soul. “I knew it was a mistake to take the position, and I did so out of greed. It’s entirely my fault.”
“It wasn’t greed, though, was it, dear? I cannot believe you took the position only because of the pay.” She peered at Erienne with those knowing, different-colored eyes.
Erienne bit her lip. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’d wanted to learn more about Collin.”
