Gisela winced at the truth. Like her, he was covered with them. The scars from wounds were horrible. But the ones that wrung her heart were from lashes.
Because she understood how much those cost in terms of his soul. There was no greater pain than to be tied down and unable to defend yourself. To be at the mercy of those who lacked any whatsoever.
Physical pain was easy to counter. Mental anguish left scars that no one could see. Scars that burned long after the injuries healed.
She ached for everything he’d been put through.
Wanting to make it better, she lifted herself up to kiss one particular nasty lash mark that ran from his arm across his stomach.
“You keep doing that, princess, and I will not sleep.”
“Sorry.” But she wasn’t even a little bit.
She moved her hand only to have him capture it in his. He brought it to his lips to place a sweet kiss across her knuckles before he placed their entwined hands over his heart.
Gisela couldn’t breathe as she felt his heart beating and felt that strong grip on her hand. For this one moment, she felt loved.
No…
She felt cherished.
And if she could, she’d will herself to death in this moment because she was terrified it wouldn’t last. If she died right now, at least she’d know what it felt like to be with someone.
It can’t last.
Nothing ever did and she didn’t want to be here when he broke her heart.
She’d had enough pain in her life. Enough of her mother and others lamenting all her shortcomings.
I don’t want to be here anymore.
It was an anguished cry her soul made because she was so tired of fighting. Tired of being alone.
Tired of everything.
“How do you do it?” The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it.
“Do what?”
“Keep going through all the pain?”
His grip tightened on her hand. “I don’t think about it.”
“Ever?”
“I’d be lying if I said my demons didn’t roost at times. But I won’t let them defeat me. I had no say in the past, only in my future. The way I look at it, princess, is that we have two options. Either we let the pain of our past drag us under or we keep our gaze on the horizon and what we’re after. I’m too stubborn a bastard to let anyone win, including the past. Or my demons.”
She liked the way he saw things. “I wish I was that strong.”
“Lady, you’re stronger than you know.” He stroked her fingers with his. “I’ve never met anyone with your courage or heart. Never let anyone tell you differently.”
“I love the lies you believe about me.”
He shook his head. “I wish you could see the beauty I do. One day, you’ll learn your true nature. Not the daughter of an awful queen, but a great lady who outshines all others.”
She pushed herself up to look down at him. “Did that really come from you?”
“I’m not always a brooding jackass.”
