No one cared. Pain was ever invisible to all, except for those poor bastards it eviscerated.
And that day, she and Paden had been the poor bastards torn apart in its wake.
To this day, that emptiness of being alone, even when surrounded by a crowd of people… nothing had ever filled it. It’d become as much of her being as another appendage. Granted, a useless one, but nevertheless, always there, and always in the way.
Always hurting.
Since the day her parents had died, she’d never really felt as if she were a part of any group or family. Not really. Perhaps it was because Paden had forced her to live a lie. To pretend to be something she wasn’t. To hide herself behind a fake shell of happiness and solitude, in a false guise, that nothing ever really penetrated. Indeed, there was nothing more painful in the world than a false smile pinned over the mask of misery.
Speak as little as possible so as not to betray herself. Make few friends lest someone discover that she wasn’t a boy. Keep to herself as much as possible.
No one could be trusted. Not with their secret that could get them both into so much trouble, and cost Paden his commission and her a place to live.
Her job.
If not their very freedom.
While other girls had been learning to dress, and play coy and flirt, and to dance, Cameron had been learning to shoe horses, clean out spittoons, and pour drinks. How to play cards and avoid the notice of drunken men who had a taste for beardless boys.
Paden thought he’d found the perfect way to guard her from the lecherous gazes of randy men, but the truth was, he’d only complicated her already messed-up life. She’d traded slapping one type of male hands for another.
Not to mention the additional pairs of feminine hands she’d been forced to deftly dodge, as they wanted a man they could boss and dominate.
Never mindtheirever-ready, pouty lips. There were times when she’d swear women seeking husbands were worse predators than men after a tryst.
Her brother would be to bury if he had any idea the number of times she’d been groped and had narrowly escaped a horrid situation with both menandwomen.
But for Lettice’s quick thinking and feigned clumsiness in the Black Swan where Cameron lived and worked, she would have been found out long ago.
Even now, she remembered the night when she’d first met Captain Bane and the others in Port Royal. The prostitute who’d sat in her lap, and almost learned her secret with her wandering hands…
Aye, Cameron had been groped many times by the wrong people, seeking charms and body parts she lacked.
And that had only saddened her more, as it left her to wonder if anyone had ever seen the real her. If anyone could, when she didn’t really feel as if she knew herself. She’d never been allowed to beMiss Cameron Amelia Maire Jack. To discover what it was that she truly liked about herself and being a woman.
Though, to be honest, as she tripped on her dress and hit the ground hard in the midst of her parry, she cursed the layers of intricate fabric that tangled around her limbs, making it difficult to fight. Mara made this look deceptively easy. As did Valynda and Sancha. They and Elf fought with ease in their gowns and corsets.
Cameron had far too little experience with such. For far too long she’d been Mr. Cameron Jack.Give me me breeches any day!At least she had full movement in those.
Demons closed in as she struggled to rise.
Lifting her arm to fight the demons off, Cameron cursed as her wrist tangled in the layers of delicate lace that fell from her elbow. This was fast becoming hopeless. She didn’t see any way to escape them. There were too many and they were coming in too fast.
“Take her!” Muerig shouted at them. “We need the bitch for your mistress!”
Cameron’s heart sank as more demons turned toward her. There was no hope for her now. Not even Chthamalus and his soldiers could repel them all. Nor could they get near her to lend a hand.
Though they tried, they were fast being overrun. She stood and prepared herself for the next blow.
Determined to remain standing as long as she could, she parried and countered with her sword, turned to kick at a second demon.
Still more came at her back, from the walls and hallways. Chthamalus and his crew were shoved and divided away from her.She twisted her fist in the skirts, trying to keep them out of the way, but it was so darned distracting.
The captain was pushed away from her position. And still more advanced on her, driving her toward a corner.
Refusing to be backed there, Cameron headed for the dais, hoping the higher ground might give her an advantage. Instead, demons came slithering down the walls and over the furniture. They were everywhere now. Like roaches on a hot summer night vying for a spot on cool tile.
Launching her wings, she tried for flight, but one grabbed her wing and pulled her toward the ground, holding her down. Slashing at the beast, she tried to wrench herself free as pain tore through her back and shoulder.
