Face it, his son sucked. His daughter, not so much. But Cyprian was a major douche nozzle. World would be so much better off without them both.
Yeah … he should do everyone a favor and just end this. Right here. Right now.
Throw his sword down and let these things eat him whole.
He almost succumbed to the weary desolation.
Why not? His mom was still young enough, she could pick up the pieces. Have another kid. One who wouldn’t get her killed in a few years.
Her and Bubba could make a nice life together, without him. Surely, he owed her that much.
His breathing ragged, he watched as the shadows shrank away as if they knew something inside him had changed. As if they sensed it, and were terrified by it.
“If you die, Nick, Acheron’s wife will, too. And his sons won’t be born. He’ll never find it in him to make peace with Styxx, and Kody won’t be born, at all. Neither will her brother, Ari. Urian will never know who his real parents are. Bethany will never be freed from her prison. For all the bad you think you’ll do, you do a whole lot more good for the room.”
Nick froze at the familiar lilting voice that rumbled through the darkness. “What?”
Vawn stepped forward so that he could see him more clearly. “It’s true, mate. More than that, Kyrian’ll die. You’re the one who saves his life from Desiderius. Amanda won’t find him without you. She won’t have any idea where to look. And Valerius Magnus’s life. Without you, he’ll never marry Tabby. You are crucial to them all. Even Talon and Zarek owe you. Dark-Hunters you have yet to meet. You’re seeing only the bad right now, boyo. The pain. ’Tis easy to get lost to that pity. Believe me, I know.”
He moved closer to Nick. “There’s not a day what goes by I don’t lament me life and what I’ve done in it. As the old song says, mistakes, I’ve made a few. But we do what we do, and we carry on as best we can. It’s not how we deal with the best what life gives us that makes us who we are, Nick, it’s how we pick ourselves up after we fall. It’s not brave to stand tall underneath a shining sun, and with praise at your back. Bravery comes when there’s no reason to get out of bed, and every reason to run for the door. But you make yourself crawl out and face the thundering hoard and hatred, knowing you’re most likely going to get your arsling and pride hand-fed to you.”
“Yeah, I’ve had enough of that. Thanks.”
“We all have.” Vawn gestured at his body. “You think I enjoythis?”
He had a point. Nick couldn’t imagine anything much worse. That was his bitterest nightmare there. Waking up in someone else’s body. Not knowing yourself when you looked in the mirror. He still hadn’t gotten over the PTSD of it. It’d left a lingering impression on him and at least he’d been in an alternate Nick body, with some of the same things he knew.
Vawn’s reality was a lot more crushing. He couldn’t even begin to imaginethathorror.
“But I don’t have the luxury of death,” Vawn continued. “This is me fate. Deserved or not. For all eternity and there’s nothing I can do about it, except strap up and cope.” He smirked. “Complain a bit, too, from time to time.”
Nick snorted, knowing the truth was that Vawn seldom did that. Honestly, he almost never spoke about it at all. It was one of the things Nick admired most about him, or her, rather. The subject only came up whenever Vawn met someone like Aeron or Kaziel who knew him before his curse.
Otherwise, he soldiered on.
Reckless abandon. It was their unspoken code of honor. What kept them all going in the face of everything that sought to lay them low.
Which made Nick wonder something. “How are you here, Vawn?” Was he hallucinating from some kind of delirium?
He had to admit, that last round of demons had rung his bell pretty hard. Wasn’t too far a reach to think he could be lying unconscious and dreaming all this.
Kaziel moved to stand by Vawn’s side. “We’re here to fetch you home, boyo.”
In his demon form, Caleb swooped in to examine the monster Nick had last taken out. “Have to say, I’m impressed. Figured you’d be elbows deep in trauma. How’d you manage without us?”
Nick snorted at his droll tone. “You know me. God hates me too much to kill me and get this over with. Besides, give it a minute. Sure my friends will be back any second. You just missed them.”
Caleb laughed. “That’s a first.”
“Right.” Nick shrank his sword back to the size of a pocket knife before he returned it to its flap. He drew up short as he caught sight of Kody.
Emotions tore through him so unexpectedly that for a minute, he couldn’t breathe.
These were the times when he knew he loved her. When he finally understood how much Lil had meant to Caleb. Myone to Xev.
His mom to his dad.
That fist to the gut he got every time he saw her face. There was nothing else like it. She was the air he breathed. The sun that came after the torrential rain.
