Bastien watched as she rode him slowly. He still couldn’t believe that she was back in his life. Every day he woke up, he expected her to leave again. Every minute, he held his breath, expecting her to banish him back to the darkness without her.
It was why he tried to cherish every heartbeat he had with her and Florian. He was tired of fate or whatever ripping him out of their lives. Jullien had said the same thing to him about Ushara and his kids when he’d lived on Oksana.
He’d been unable to relate to his cousin at the time. But he fully understood now.
That was the hardest thing about loving. That fear of loss. Especially after she’d already cut his heart out once and fed it to him. Trusting her again was so much harder than he’d ever imagined.
And yet he couldn’t stay away. No matter how hard he tried to protect himself.
He loved her. Against all common sense and self-preservation. Really, it wasn’t fair.
But then, nothing in life was. And right now, he didn’t want to be anywhere else except inside her. Staring into her beautiful eyes while she made love to him.
And when she came in his arms, he smiled, then joined her there.
With a contented sigh, she collapsed against him and laid her head on his shoulder. That action stunned him, as she’d never done such before.
“You okay,Elskamun?”
“Petrified.”
The fact that she’d admit it… “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“I wish you’d say the same about yourself, Bas. That’s what scares me. I have a bad feeling that won’t go away. Every day it grows worse.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “I was holding my mother when she died. She looked at me, choked, and was gone.” A sob racked her. “I don’t ever want to live through that again, Bas. I couldn’t take it if I lost you again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why does it have to be so hard?”
“I don’t know, Em. My father used to say that life tries us all without prejudice or mercy.”
“But why?”
“No idea. I just know that we’re all veterans of a fucked-up world. No one gets out without their scars. Some of us just hide them better than others.”
She nodded, then kissed him. “I’m sorry for the ones I gave you.”
“You were trying to protect yourself. I get it.”
“But it doesn’t make it right.”
“Nor does it make it wrong. It just is, my lady.”
Ember shook her head and held him. And as she lay there, she prayed for the knot in her gut to loosen. For her premonition to be wrong.
Bastien had suffered enough. She’d buried enough of her family.
She refused to bury him, too. And yet the vision remained.
It was Bastien lying in his casket.
CHAPTER14
It took them longer than expected to route The League and Andarions and get Jullien home. Bastien was more than frustrated as it seemed that the gods of Kirovar wanted the injustice to stand and for Barnabas to rule on a stolen throne.
But it did allow him more time with Ember and Rian, and to plan an attack that would work. So he savored his every minute with her and made sure to double-check everything so as not to risk her or her sisters.
Now they were back at the Gort base to celebrate the birth of Jullien’s son Vidar. And what a strange gathering of a motley band they were, too.
