CHAPTER 14
Valerie
The next day, on our drive back to Parker’s Bluffs, it seemed like everything would be okay. Chris had a little more work to do on the fixer-upper he had bought for us, so he dropped me back at my parents.
“I just want it to be perfect for you, Val,” he said. “All I need to do is hang the doors, and I want you to see it all in daylight. I’ll pick you up after lunch tomorrow.”
I nodded happily at him. “I can’t wait.”
His smile seemed to light up my whole body. Then he lowered his chin a little and said, “Remember what we were working on this weekend. We’ll pick it back up tomorrow.”
I blinked at him, and then I felt my face go crimson as I understood that he could only mean one thing. My mom was in the kitchen, and though Chris hadn’t said anything naughty or lewd I still felt like I wanted to sink into the ground.
“Chris!” I said, trying to keep my tone playful though my heart quailed.
He raised his eyebrows.
“What, Val?”
I knew exactly what he meant. I swallowed hard.
“Sir,” I whispered. “Please… not here?”
“I didn’t say anything,” Chris replied, shaking his head slightly. His eyes had taken on some of the frustrated expression I had come to dread—but that, to my dismay, my body had also started to respond to in another, even less welcome way.
“We’ll talk tomorrow,” he said, his voice quiet. “But you don’t have permission tonight.”
“Oh, my God,” I breathed, as my whole body flared with heat. Desperately, I repeated my plea. “Please… sir… maybe… let’s not talk about it… here?”
Chris’s response was to gather me into his arms. “I love you,” he said. “But we’re going to talk about your obedience whenever I choose.” Then he kissed me softly, and in his lips I felt the strength of his love as well as his resolve. For a moment, as I watched my husband drive away, I trusted him completely.
After he left, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said: the quiet, but forceful instruction. No permission to touch myself tonight. I stood in my childhood bedroom—the room I’d slept in for eighteen years before getting married—and felt my face burn with shame at the thought.
I couldn’t believe Chris had given me that instruction right there in front of my parents’ house. What if my mom had heard? What if she’d understood what he meant bypermission?
The mortification felt almost unbearable, but underneath it something else stirred. The terrible warmth between my legs that seemed to appear every time Chris asserted his authority over me.
I pressed my hands to my hot cheeks and tried to calm my racing heart.
“Valerie?” My mom’s voice drifted up the stairs. “Dinner’s almost ready, honey!”
“Coming!” I called back, forcing brightness into my voice.
I made it through dinner by focusing intently on my food and answering my parents’ questions about the honeymoon in vague, cheerful terms. Yes, the resort was beautiful. Yes, the horseback riding had been wonderful. Of course I didn’t mention what had happened on the trail… or in our cabin… or any of the things that occupied most of my real memories of my honeymoon.
That night, lying in my old bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About everything that had happened over the past few days. About how my body had responded to Chris’s dominance, his discipline, his control. About the way I’d licked his anus and come while doing it. About how I’d wanted him to fuck me even as I begged him not to.
My hand drifted down between my legs withoutmypermission—let alone my husband’s. Through my cotton pajama bottoms and my modest white briefs, I could feel the heat anddampness there. My pussy throbbed with need, responding to the memories flooding my mind.
I pressed my hand more firmly against myself, feeling that terrible, shameful pleasure begin to build. Seventy-two hours ago I would never have thought about touching myself this way, but it felt so good… so right… above all, so necessary. I put my hand inside the waistband of my panties, ran my fingertips further down. I bit my lip when I felt how wet I’d gotten.
Then I remembered. No permission.
I jerked my hand away as if I’d been burned. My whole body trembled with frustrated need. I squeezed my thighs together, trying to make the ache go away, but it only made it worse.
Chris had forbidden me to touch myself. And even though he wasn’t here, even though he’d never know if I disobeyed, I found I couldn’t do it. The thought of lying to him again, of hiding what I’d done, made my stomach clench with dread. He’d make me tell him, and then he’d spank me, and I couldn’t bear that. I absolutely couldn’t give him a reason to put me over his knee again.
I rolled onto my side, curling into a ball, my hands clenched into fists to keep them away from my body. Between my legs, my pussy throbbed and ached, demanding attention I couldn’t give it.
