Page 46 of Hotter on Ice

“I still haven’t decided whether you should stay or go,” she said. “You have five minutes to explain to me why letting you stay would lead to anything else besides heartbreak. For both of us.”

He nodded, then drew in a deep breath. “I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. I’ve spent the last week thinking about it. You pulled security, taking me out of your life. And it’s been hell.”

She could hear this was painful for him, too, and she had to resist the strong urge to comfort him.

“It wasn’t about you, Henning.” Well, that wasn’t quite true. She swallowed, pushing herself to continue. “Okay, maybe it was a little about you, but mostly it was about letting go of a past that I have to put behind me. All the way.”

He didn’t speak, but she could feel he was completely tuned in to everything she said, each movement of her lips.

“I need more than a protector, Henning. I need someone who will support me as I change my life to something that I want. Something that I love.”

“You deserve that, Alya,” he said roughly. “You deserve everything.”

His words quaked through her, filled with emotion. He brought his hand to her cheek and traced her lips.

“I’ve spent the last five years with Sanjay’s death hanging over me,” he continued. “What would happen if I lost you? Just that thought makes me want to hold you so tight, to make sure nothing ever happens to you.” He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. “There’s a part of me that’s always going to want to protect you. But I need to deal with it in another way. This is my shit that I need to address, and I’m willing to do it. And if you need to wait for that change before we see each other again, then I respect that. I just wanted you to know that I’m choosing love over fear, starting right now.”

Oh, God, this man. Just seeing him again felt so good, so right. He was promising her he’d work on this.

“I don’t want to wait, Henning,” she said quietly.

The intensity of his expression didn’t waver. “There are parts of me that are broken, that might never get fixed.”

She lifted her hand to trace the jagged scars down the left side of his face.

“That’s what I thought about myself for so long,” she whispered.

Henning smiled, really smiled with all the warmth and tenderness she had missed. His scars pulled on the left side of his mouth, making the smile all that more vulnerable.

“Can we please figure this out together?” he whispered.

God, she wanted that. Alya took a deep breath and nodded. His arms came around her, and he held her close as she slipped her hands under his jacket, against the hard muscles of his back. She wanted to stay here, just like this, resting her cheek against his chest, and she probably always would. But they needed to finish this conversation.

“Staying here with me means we’ll both be in the spotlight, starting now,” she said, pulling back a little. “Everyone watched us walk over here, and if you hold me like this and look at me like this, people will take photos and write about us and make all sorts of speculations about why we’re together. They’ll dig up the story of your scars and lay it out for everyone to comment on. If you stay, we’re saying yes to all of that. Even if we go our separate ways in the future, you won’t be able to take that back. Are you willing to do that?”

His broken smile was full of hope. “You’re worth that risk. You’re worth everything. I’m willing to show you that, again and again. Tonight or any other night.” Then he raised an eyebrow. “And if I have my say in this, we’re definitely not going our separate ways. You’re the only one I’ve wanted for so long now, and that’s not going to change.”

She closed her eyes and let the words sink in. He was here. This was real. She looked up into his deep brown eyes, and she had the strong urge to kiss him, to remember all the things she had learned about him back at the Icehotel. Was he right, that what they had between them wouldn’t change? God, she hoped this would last forever.

She threaded her fingers into his hair and tugged a little, urging his mouth down to hers. It was a soft, slow kiss, making her insides melt and her heart skitter in her chest. There was nothing hesitant about it. She put aside the cameras and the whispers and everything else, and she kissed him again and again. It was so freeing to simply kiss this man she was in love with, right here, for the world to see.

“I don’t think the palm is hiding much,” she said with a little laugh. “By the way, how did you get into this event?”

Henning smiled. “It started with a call to Max. I asked if he’d check in on you and to get back to me. But he told me no, straight up. If I wanted to know, I had to come myself. So I told him you didn’t want security, and he said, ‘looks like you’ve got a problem on your hands.’ Next thing I knew, a courier delivered a ticket to my house.”

She could picture his expression as he opened that envelope, struggling with what to do. “How long did you sulk at home before you decided to come?”

“Only five hours or so,” he said with a grin. “Half that time was spent going through scenarios if you had brought a date, figuring out how to deal with that.”

“What did you come up with?”

“Nothing you want to hear about.”

She laughed. “Lucky for you, I came alone.”

“Lucky for me,” he echoed.

Alya found Henning’s hand and laced her fingers with his. “You ready to get out from behind this tree?”