Page 40 of Hotter on Ice

God, he had been right. She really regretted starting this conversation. And now she couldn’t let it go. “You’re already planning out some terrible end for us?”

“It’s my job to consider all aspects of a problem, Alya. One of us has to.” It was such a low blow, to take her newfound lightness and turn it against her.

“Good news. This problem is about to disappear for you,” she snapped back. “I’m officially done with having a bodyguard around.”

His face twisted in pain as she said that, and her gut clenched. Shit. She was sinking to new lows, too. What hurt the most was knowing that no matter what came out of her mouth, no matter how terrible it was, he would still protect her with his life.

After that last comment, all the anger seeped out of his expression. He was staring at her with that same, intense gaze, but this time it made her even more frustrated.

“What the hell does that look mean?” she snapped.

At first she thought he wasn’t going to answer, but then he whispered, “I’m just looking at you. So I remember.”

Alya closed her eyes, pushing away the urge to cry. Because it wouldn’t do a thing. So instead, she turned away and tried to get up. Unfortunately, her feet were stuck under her, and she tumbled back into the snow with an undignified plop. Why was she having this conversation with these damn skis on? She rolled around, her skis in the air, until they were pointing in the right direction. Then, using her poles, she managed to get herself upright and standing. Henning was watching the whole time, of course.

“I’ll still be there to protect you. That will never change.” His voice was soft. “If you change your mind. If you need a bodyguard at that event next weekend. I can...” He paused. “I can come home with you, too, if you want me there.”

God, this was torture. He was offering to go back to the way they’d begun this trip. This was his compromise?

“I don’t want you as a bodyguard or as a fuck buddy, Henning,” she said, looking up at the gray sky. “What makes me angry is that at some point, I know I’ll actually be tempted. But I’m making myself hold out for something better. For someone who thinks it’s worth the risk to fall in love with me for real.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

YOUDESERVETObe free.

Alya had found the note lying on top of her clothes when she unzipped her suitcase back in her Sydney apartment. Just these five words, written in Henning’s blocky script. She had spent an embarrassing amount of time staring down at them for the second day in a row. The painful twist of her gut each time she looked had dulled, leaving room for other emotions churning in her stomach. Warmth. Longing. Desire. But frustration and anger overshadowed all of those.

Why the hell did he write these words to her? Henning Fischer wasn’t an impulsive man, so he would have carefully planned these five words, planned the method of delivery, so she wouldn’t discover them until after they had parted. She could picture that intense look on his face as he deliberated how to convey what he felt while minimizing his risk. He must have slipped the paper into her baggage when he took it out to the rental car, back at the Icehotel. She could see him, taking off his gloves, exposing them to the cold air he hated so much, just to avoid saying the words to her face.

She had opened the Pandora’s box of her heart, and his response was to try to help her shove it all back in. Try to go back to the way she used to be. To the way they used to be. Hell, no. She had had enough of backtracking.

A knock at her bedroom door startled her out of her thoughts.

“It’s me,” said her sister from the hallway. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Alya smoothed her hair and checked to see if her cheeks were flushed.

Her sister opened the door, and her eyes went instantly to the paper in Alya’s hand. Too late to hide it. “Sulking again?”

Alya sighed. “Maybe.”

“I suspected as much. So I brought you the solution to all problems,” said Natasha, nodding toward the hall, her eyes sparkling. “Ice cream. Join me?”

Alya’s mouth twitched up. “You’re making it hard to maintain my sulky frown.”

She followed her sister into the kitchen and took a seat at the countertop bar. Natasha took two bowls from the cabinet and headed for the freezer.

“Are you sure you want to go to the fund-raiser alone tonight?” Natasha asked, setting the chocolate ice cream on the countertop between them. “I wish we could all go together, but Max and I have to be there early. One of the many adventures of dating a famous Jensen family member.”

Alya narrowed her eyes at her sister. “Did Max get you to ask me about going alone?”

“What?” Natasha frowned. “No. It’s just that the event is so public. And after thoseBehind the Runwayclips got so much attention...well, you’ll be in the spotlight, I’m sure. I know that’s not your favorite thing.” She pulled out spoons from the drawer and started scooping.

“A week ago, I would have cared.” Alya leaned her elbows on the counter and sighed. “Now I’m tired of making my decisions that way, based on my past. I thought it was just about Nick, but it’s more than that.”

Natasha took a bite off her spoon and nodded. “Explain.”

“When we came to Australia, I put my life on hold for three years, shaped it around avoiding Nick.” She paused for a mouthful of ice cream. “Staying out of the media, even when it would have benefitted my career, setting up a security camera in our apartment—which, by the way, I took down this morning.”