“You’ll see,” said Niklas. “Not far.”
We stepped out into the crisp afternoon air. Niklas led the way across Odengatan to Vasaparken, the park where we had first met. Since I had left Stockholm, the park had evolved from summer green to the bright reds and oranges of fall, but the path of tall pines hadn’t changed. I looked up at the tufts of branches against the blue sky.
Niklas led them up the path and around the playground to a circle of magnolias. The trees had all lost their leaves by now, but the rock where Niklas had sat that day he had taken my pepper spray away looked exactly the same. Niklas dropped my hand and sat down on it.
“I think I fell in love with you here,” said Niklas, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
I snorted. “You mean ‘in lust’?”
“Maybe some of that, too,” he chuckled. “I was trying hard not to stare that day. You looked so intense, studying these trees.”
He frowned and got up, pacing around the little clearing. His hands were still shoved deep inside his pockets.
“You okay?” I asked.
Niklas blew out a loud breath and walked up to me. He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a little black box.
“I don’t—” I started.
“Please, Caroline,” he said, cutting me off, “my turn first.”
I looked down at the ground and shook my head.
“Please,” he said. He tipped my head up and attempted a smile. “Hear me out.”
I swallowed hard, pushing back the lump that had formed in the back of my throat. I struggled to steady myself against the tide of emotions that threatened to surge. A conversation about marriage would be messy any time, but now, when we had just found each other again? It was too soon. I wasn’t ready to take on this rift in our relationship yet.
He brushed my cheek with his hand, his fingers warm against the cool fall air.
“I’m sorry I messed up this part of our relationship so badly,” he mumbled. “I wish I could take back all the things I said about marriage.”
I shook my head.
“No. That would be worse,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “Never knowing that marriage is a concession for you. I wouldn’t want that between us. I came here knowing your limits, and I’m okay with them.”
Niklas rested his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t mean that I wish I had hidden it from you.”
I bit my lip and rested my head on his chest, not wanting him to see the hurt this subject still brought on. His arms came around me, the little box pressing against me in his hand.
“You took me by surprise in San Francisco when you asked me about marriage. That answer had nothing to do with us and everything to do with my past,” he said, squeezing me. “Please, just give me a chance to talk this through.”
What he was asking was more than fair, but the wound was so tender I wasn’t sure I could stand to listen. He was doing this because he felt he owed me for coming here, which was about the worst reason to marry someone. He held the base of my neck, tilting my head so he could meet my eyes. He looked sad enough that I didn’t protest.
“Before we left Stockholm, I asked you to stay with me,” he said quietly. “You told me you couldn’t, that it went against every reason you left Detroit, right?”
“Something like that,” I said, frowning.
“And now you’re giving it a try.”
I could see where this conversation was going, and I looked away.
“It’s not the same thing,” I said. “Moving to Sweden doesn’t have to be forever.”
Niklas shook his head. “But that’s the problem—I want you all in on this. I don’t want to wonder if you’ll change your mind and leave if life here gets tough.”
I turned back to see his expression. Worry lines formed between his eyebrows, but the corners of his eyes crinkled with hope. I held his steady gaze as long as I could before I looked away. He stroked the nape of my neck with his rough fingers, so seductively familiar.
“It’s true that marriage isn’t as popular here in Sweden,” he said, “but that’s not the only reason I reacted. My experiences with marriage are too depressing to mention. I’m scared we’ll split up like everyone else in my family does. I’m still so mad at my father for leaving us that I can barely talk about it.”
