Bauer held his hands up in mock surrender and backed away.
“See you inside,” he said. He looked back at me and waved.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I had been expecting, but this was worse. I took a long breath.
“I’m not sure I can do this, Niklas,” I whispered. “The way that guy was looking at me made me feel… low.”
“Shit,” he said, slamming his palms on the steering wheel. His large body rose and fell in uneven breaths. He looked over at me and shook his head.
“You’re not low. He’s a low piece of shit,” he said, his voice breaking.
“I just offered to get you off in the parking lot. He thinks I’m one of those girls who—” My face flushed as I spoke these words.
“Stop.Please,” he growled.
Niklas rolled up his window, and the only sounds left were our breaths. He found my hand and entwined his fingers with mine. I didn’t respond, but I didn’t pull away.
“Caroline, I know we do all sorts of things together, really hot things. But nothing we do together is low. It’s not just sex for me. Not when I’m so crazy for you. Don’t let an ass like that ruin what we have.”
I closed my eyes. I knew Niklas was right, so why did Bauer’s words still leave me with the feeling I was some kind of hockey whore? I didn’t even particularly like hockey.
Niklas’s voice broke into my thoughts. “Caroline, you’re really important to me. You know that, don’t you?”
He didn’t try to hide the hurt and vulnerability behind his question. This was just as hard for him as it was for me. I gently squeezed his hand, still laced with mine.
“Yes, I know that, Niklas. But part of me is still embarrassed about all the amazing sex. Maybe it’s my Catholic upbringing, but I feel like I shouldn’t want you this much. That I shouldn’t be so lucky. That these amazing feelings will come at a cost, and I don’t know when I’ll have to pay it. So when I hear a comment like that, it triggers something in me.”
Niklas leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.
“I didn’t know you felt that way,” he finally said.
“I guess I didn’t, either,” I said. “At least, I didn’t understand it until now.”
“How long has this been bothering you?”
I tried to think back to when the idea first occurred to me.
“I thought about it a little at the beginning, right when we met, but everything felt so good that I guess I didn’t care too much about it.” I sighed. “But now that we’re back in Detroit, seeing my parents, dealing with assholes…”
My voice faded away. I didn’t have to finish my sentence. When we were traveling, not thinking about the future, everything felt right. But trying to fit Niklas into the life I had back in Detroit was another story.
I looked over at Niklas. Lines creased his forehead, and his mouth was set in a frown.
“Since we got back to Detroit,” he repeated.
I now understood why Niklas had insisted that I stay at his place. I had assumed he just wanted me as badly as I wanted him, and maybe that was part of it. But as much as Bauer—and my own reaction to him—took me by surprise, Niklas had probably guessed something like this would happen. He knew we’d need a buffer between the outside world and our relationship.
Bauer was long gone. Now just the two of us sat in the car together, and anything else I said would take more than the few minutes we had.
“You’re going to be late. Let’s go in,” I said. “We can talk about this more tonight.”
He squinted out the front window of the car.
“There’s a little crowd at the doors. Maybe fans, maybe press.”
My heart thumped harder and I leaned forward to see what he was looking at. A small crowd had gathered at the top of the arena’s stairs. My stomach churned. If I went in with him now, our relationship would be up for public scrutiny. Before either of us knew where we were headed.
I glanced over at the deep worry lines in Niklas’s brow.
