Okay, that felt a little better. The problem was whether I could keep being that same person I had been all summer, now that I was home.
“Thanks, Niklas,” I said.
“You already thanked me just a few minutes ago.”
“This one is for everything.” I hugged him and listened to the steady thump of his heart.
“We have more than just Brad and your parents in front of us this week,” he said after a while.
I nodded. “I’m meeting with my photography friend from college tomorrow. She was always trying to talk me into tagging along on her assignments, so I figure she’ll have some ideas.”
“Sounds great,” he said. “Hockey for me.”
“So you’re really going for the Red Wings spot again?”
Niklas shrugged. “The coaches want me to come in for a couple days. They haven’t offered me anything. They just want to see how things go, so I’ll check it out tomorrow.”
I pulled away a little. “You sure you want this?”
He looked at me carefully, as if he was weighing his answer. Finally, he rubbed his forehead with his hand. “We’ll see. If tomorrow goes well, I want you to come down to the rink with me to see how it feels to be there.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how it felt to live in the hockey side of his life. If watching him play left me as uneasy as I felt right now, what then? Would the gulf between us be too great?
“I don’t know,” I said. “Will we be watched? Like photos, fans?”
Niklas frowned. “It’s possible. But I think we should give it a try. And if the media is interested, it’s better if we keep it near the hockey rink anyway.”
Niklas’s hands tensed around my waist. I reached down and slid my fingers over them.
“It’s not just that. Back in Stockholm, you didn’t want me to know you played hockey,” I said. “And you were mad when you found out I’d be at your game. You didn’t want me to be part of your hockey life. Why now?”
His jaw tightened as he considered my question.
“Everything is different,” he said quietly. His deep blue eyes were fixed on me, and I couldn’t look away. “Even if I get out of hockey, it won’t be for another year at least. And I don’t want to hide for a year. I want to find a way to make this work.”
As he spoke these words, deep creases marked his forehead. He wanted to find a place for me in his hockey world, but he didn’t look happy about it. And I wasn’t too thrilled, either.
Our relationship didn’t feel as fragile as it had back in Stockholm, but just a day in Detroit had already exposed fault lines between us. The problems we’d face hadn’t changed. He still had a reputation for physical violence, both on and off the ice. Even if the recent scandal made the rumors about Niklas more palatable for public relations, they wouldn’t go away. And I would be in the spotlight.
“Is this the way to do it? I just show up at your practice, alone in the stadium for everyone to stare at?”
This comment earned me a smile.
“It’s an arena, not a stadium,” he said.
I laughed. “Okay, I knew that. Mostly.”
“You won’t be the only one there, and there’s no media inside.”
His smile faded a little. “I think we’ll get a chance to see what we’re up against. This is for us, to see how it feels to be a little more public. But if it doesn’t work, you could still back out.”
“And do what? Hide in your house?”
Niklas shook his head. “We’ll figure it out if we have to. But let’s just try.”
He squeezed my hand. My whole body screamedNoat the prospect of taking a step into his public life. But if I wanted a relationship with Niklas, I had to find a place for myself in his hockey world.
“Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll come.”
