“I’d die without you either way,” he said. “Swiftbond or not. There’s no point in living without you, and I knew if I told you as much, you would think I was manipulating you again. You would think it was a trick to guilt you into staying. That isn’t what I want.”
“No? What do you want then?”
“To prove my love for you.”
Nuri almost couldn’t believe this was the Silver Rein he’d always known, yet at the same time…The man beneath him felt more real than he ever had before. It was like they were finally bridging the gap, closing the distance that had kept them apart.
“I don’t like being deceived.” He wouldn’t settle for it ever again. That had to be known.
“This isn’t a deception,” Silver insisted. “Use the knife or let me die from the bond, it doesn’t matter. I’m done standing in the way of your happiness.”
“Truly?”
“Don’t feel guilty. When I’m gone. This isn’t your fault, Nuri. None of it. I made my choices. I’ll accept the consequences.”
“If I leave knowing I could have prevented your death, it will in fact make it partially my fault.”
“No—”
“Yes, Silver.” He stared down at him, wanting him to see the truth of it on his face as much as he needed him to hear it. “You’ve always struggled with that concept, you know? You understand the basic idea—actions have consequences—but you still haven’t figured out the real depth to that reality.”
“Haven’t I?” he argued. “I’ve lost you because of things I’ve done. Ifeelit.”
“Feel what?” Nuri pressured. “Regret?”
Silver gave a subtle shake of his head, the blade nicking him in the process. A single drop of blood welled beneath the knife’s edge, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Remorse.”
Nuri’s hand tightened on the handle of the weapon. “What?”
The Emperor lacked empathy. He was incapable of—
“Knowing you’re hurting,” Silver whispered, “knowing that I’m the reason why…I’ll never forgive myself. I thought that if I pushed you enough, if I manipulated the circumstances, we’d end up together and I could make you happy. That’s how I justified it. I was going to make up for all of the deceit by making you happy. But I see now how arrogant it was of me to think that way. I’ll spend my dying breath in contrition. I’ve never felt guilt before, and it’s eating away at me. I—”
“Stop,” Nuri ordered. “Stop talking.”
“This isn’t a trick—”
“I know that.” He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. “I know that. This isn’t a trick either.”
“What isn’t?”
“If I wanted to be clever, I’d suggest some big gesture. I’d have us go full circle and play for it. But this is too important to leave the outcome to chance. You, us, we’re too important.” Silver’s gaze had glossed over some, his lips parted in surprise, when Nuri looked at him again, but he wasn’t finished. “So this is what we’re going to do, majesty. Now that all of the chaotic energy has been expelled, and we’re both certain you’re thinking with a clear head, I’m going to ask something of you, and if you’re even slightly unsure if you can follow through, I need you tell me. Is that understood?”
“Not even a little,” he admitted.
“Have you learned your lesson?” Nuri asked anyway.
“I…” Silver searched his gaze. “Yes.”
“And what lesson is that?”
“I can’t maneuver you into loving me.”
That was…close enough.
“Can you promise you won’t ever do it again?”
Silver opened his mouth, closed it, and clearly struggled to process what was going on.
