He didn’t look convinced. “You left this morning without waking me up.”
“You needed the rest.”
“I know, but…” He hesitated. “Never mind. That’s not what I came here to say.”
“Harris—”
“I’ve been thinking,” he said, talking over me. His voice was steady, sure. “About what you said. About us figuring this out. And I think—or, actually, Iknow—I want to stay here. In Crescent Springs. With you. With the pack.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut.
He went on, seemingly oblivious to the catastrophic effect his words were having on me. How much harder they made all of this. “I’ve been thinking about my life in LA, and it doesn’t fit anymore. This place feels real in a way my life before never did. The pack feels real. AndYoufeel real.” He flashed me a tentative smile. “So I want to stay. Officially, I mean. That’s my decision. I want—”
“No.”
The word came out flat and harder than I meant it to.
Harris stopped mid-sentence, his smile faltering. “What?”
I couldn’t do this drawn out and slow. If I tried that, I’d cave. I’d let him stay and then I’d watch him die and I wouldn’t survive that.
Better to rip the Band-Aid off now. Better for this to be quick and clean.
“You can’t stay,” I said.
He blinked. “What are you talking about? I just told you—”
“Last night proved it,” I cut him off, forcing the words out even as my wolf snarled and clawed at me from the inside, trying to stop me. “You almost died last night. You charged into the Otherworld without backup, without a plan, and you almost didn’t come back. And I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.”
His face went carefully blank. “But I saved Sally’s life.”
“You gotlucky,” I shot back. “If Simone hadn’t been there, you’d be dead. You know that, right? You’d be dead, and it would’ve been your own damn fault for being so reckless.”
Harris’s expression betrayed his hurt and confusion. “Reed, what the hell is this?”
I made myself keep going. I had to say the words to drive him away, even though they were like bile in my throat, every syllable burning and awful. “When you’re in danger, I can’t think straight. I can’t lead. I can’t protect anyone, because all I can think about is you. And that’s going to get someone killed—people inmypack.”
“Your pack,” he repeated dully, like he was testing the words, turning them over and trying to make them make sense.
“Yes.” I willed myself to meet his gaze and hold it. “I’m the alpha. I have to put my pack first.”
The hurt in his eyes deepened, sharpened into something rawer. It was worse than if he’d gotten angry. “You said we could figure it out.”
“I was wrong.”
“Reed—”
“This was a mistake. All of it. I never should have let you stay.”
The words came out sounding harsher than I’d intended. But I couldn’t take them back now. No matter how much I wanted to. I was doing the right thing, no matter how much it hurt both of us.
“You need to go back to Los Angeles. Back to your real life. You can’t stay here.”
Harris stared at me, stunned and disbelieving. And then through the bond—that awful, merciless bond between us—I felt the exact moment his heart broke.
Mine broke too. Like someone had reached into my chest and crushed everything vital and good inside me into jagged, painful shards.
“Stop it,” he said, his voice thick. “We can figure this out. I know you’re scared, but—”
