“Since when did you become so cynical?” I asked. “And apparently I need to remind you I’m not fucking helpless, and I’m not an idiot.”
“I know that!” he protested.
“Do you? Because the evidence is stacking up that you seem to think I’m one or both things. Like I’m some helpless, fragile porcelain doll that needs to be treated with the utmost care,” I snapped.
“I didn’t say that,” he barked, stepping closer.
I turned to face him, having nowhere to go since my back was almost touching the glass, but also unwilling to back down. “Is that why you were okay with everything the other day? Because poor Walker, he just can’t help himself. He’s not actually a real adult; he’s not able to help himself. Better to just forgive him.”
“That’s not?—”
“Is that why you’re here now? To tell me it’s all okay? That you don’t blame me because deep down, you don’t think I can take care of myself? So that means I can’t be responsible for myself.”
“Walker—”
“Well, fuck that. I’m a grown ass man, and that means I have to take responsibility for the shit I do, the good and the bad. So if I have to choose between you flippantly forgiving me for kissing you against your will, or being held responsible for my choices,I’m going to choose the second every goddamn time, you hear me?”
“I liked it!” he roared, and I finally backed up and felt my back hit the glass as he stepped close, radiating a menace born from frustration.
I stared at him, and he stared right back, neither of us daring to move. He wasn’t touching me, but he was close enough that with nowhere else to go, I was left feeling trapped. Except, I wasn’t trapped by someone who was a threat; I was trapped by Cade, one of the few people on this planet I trusted completely.
“I…what?” I got out as his words finally sank into my brain.
“I liked it,” he repeated, blinked and straightened slightly, looking confused. “I liked it.”
“You said that,” I drew out carefully, wondering if he had found some hidden stash of alcohol somewhere in the resort. I didn’t smell booze on him, but either he was drunk, I was drunk, or he had really just said that. “And again, what?”
He frowned thoughtfully. “I liked it.”
“Okay, did you just break yourself?” I asked in exasperation and no small amount of desperation to get some more information.
“I wasn’t ready for me to say that,” he said, sounding a little sheepish.
“Well, that’s not what straight men normally say after they’ve been kissed by a guy,” I said with a frown. “What do you mean, you liked it?”
“I knew I was feelin’ some kind o’ way about it, I mean, you kissed me,” he said, and I felt my face warm with a renewed flush of shame. “I didn’t know what I was feelin’, but I was definitely feelin’ somethin’, ya know?”
“I’m not sure that I do know,” I said slowly, wanting to reach out when it would be easy with him so close, but not daring to. There was a growing feeling inside me I didn’t trust, and if I tookthe smallest step too far in the wrong direction, I would end up making another decision I was bound to regret.
“And I was comin’ to talk to you about it, ’cause I was wonderin’ what all that was about and you’re like…the only person I can talk to about stuff like that right now,” he said, then winced. “S’pose I could’ve called Isaac, but it felt right to talk to you. Then you were yellin’ at me and sayin’ shit that didn’t make no sense and waswrong. And I was gettin’ frustrated and it just…came out.”
“Right, I was there for that part,” I said, still watching him in disbelief. “The whole thing, actually.”
I jerked when he took me by the shoulders and held me there, staring at me with that same flabbergasted expression on his face. “But that’s it, I liked it!”
“Cade,” I said.
“What?” he asked.
“You sound like one of those cartoon scientists, except you’re not yelling ‘eureka’ right now.”
He stared at me, and I could see his confusion. “I mean…like I said, I was wonderin’ what all those weird feelin’s were about, and now I figured it out.”
“Cade,” I said gently, because he was clearly having…a moment. I didn’t know if it was just confusion masquerading as revelation, or what was going on, but the universe was intent on making me deal with everyone else rather than what was going on in my head. “That makes zero sense.”
He frowned. “It makes sense.”
“I think you might be a little confused right now, alright? There’s plenty of reasons you would think you liked it. After all, you haven’t exactly…had the easiest time with, uh, I don’t want to say ‘keeping people around you’ because that sounds like you’re doing something wrong. But whatever the not offensive version of that sentence is, that’s the one I want.”
