“Cayden.”
“Oh God, don’t use my name like that,” he groaned, and now I could see the guilt plain on his face. “I mean, the government was doin’ it at first. I guess between that and the leg, it was their way of helpin’ me.”
I stared at him. “I’ll leave out any commentary about the potential for charity or care from the suits, and let’s just move on to your point.”
“But they only did the first time I was here,” he said, his voice dropping to a mutter. “After that, they said I’d have to do it on my own. Except, I ain’t exactly rollin’ in money, so ya know, I decided I wasn’t gonna come.”
“Okay.”
“But my family and, uh?—”
The guilt and shame were making him turn red, and I watched him for a moment before something clicked. “The families.”
“Yeah,” he said, and honestly, if it were humanely possible, I was pretty sure he would have curled up into the tiniest ball and blinked out of existence. “Some of the guys’ families…they’vebeen puttin’ up the money. I mean, this place has stuff for people who don’t got a lot of money, so that’s kinda helped, okay, it’s really helped but?—”
I debated how to handle that before shaking my head. “So, the families have been putting up the money to help cover your stay here, and the resort has been subsidizing the cost at the same time.”
“I guess, yeah, I mean, yeah, that’s right.”
“And you decided you weren’t going to do anything?”
“Huh?”
“How many times have you gone through this program?”
“A few.”
“Cade.”
“Alright, this is my fifth time.”
He was already well aware of what I was about to say, but somehow I knew no one had ever put it into words, so maybe that’s what needed to happen. “That’s two groups of people who are doing their best to help you. Meanwhile, you’ve been, what? Treating this place like a vacation?”
His eyes went wide. “What? No!”
“Then what the hell have you been doing?” I demanded, leaning in closer and gesturing toward him. “You’ve made a couple of off-hand comments before that this place isn’t helping you, but you feel like it can help others. And you also have the chance to get the physical therapy you need. So I’m trying to figure out what you’ve been doing here, or trying to do. Because you can’t think this place works, but say it hasn’t helped you, because that just sounds likeyou’rethe one who hasn’t been working.”
That provoked a reaction that wasn’t him kicking his feet like a bashful little boy. “Now, hold on a second?—”
I held up a hand to stop him. “Look, I’m only saying you’re the one who’s been trying gently to push that this placeis actually good for helping people. If you really believe that, then after four previous runs through,somethingshould have happened to you, right? So, either this place isn’t as great as you think it is, or you’re not doing something you’re supposed to be doing.”
“It don’t work for everyone,” he said, and the little boy had come back, but this time he was sullen.
I sighed. “Cade, there’s no other way to say this. If this place works, then you need to put in the effort. You need to stop being the cheerleader and start being a living example. And if it doesn’t work for everyone, and you realize you’re one of those people, then this should be your last run. Because if you keep going like this, then you’re just sitting on the money that’s being poured into this place by the families that are trying to help you, and taking up a spot someone else could use to actually get help.”
His eyes went wide, and I could see the little boy disappear, and instead I had a furious, barely contained man standing in front of me as his hands closed into fists. I had probably just put into words the very things he’d thought himself over the past however many months he’d spent at Arete. His mouth worked for a moment before slamming shut, his lips becoming lines so thin they almost disappeared.
For one brief moment, I thought he was going to swing at me, but he whirled around and walked off, his normally heavy steps even heavier, either to spare himself from hearing more, or perhaps to save me from whatever reaction had just flashed through his thoughts. I turned away with a wince, wondering if that had been the right thing to say, but also feelingsomeonehad to say it.
Whether or not he knew it, hewassquandering the opportunities given to him. It hurt to know that I had most likely just driven a wedge between us with my words, but I would do itagain. If this place really was as great as he said, then he needed to take advantage of the help being offered on a silver platter.
True or not, that didn’t magically erase the guilt and misery I felt at having hurt him. I knew it was a bad idea to keep pushing myself, but I went for a run to burn away the ache in my chest that had nothing to do with exertion. By the time I finished, I was left with only guilt.
Walking back to the locker room, I could see there was only one person in there, a man standing at the end of the row of lockers as I went to mine. I was too busy wondering if I’d gone too far to pay much attention. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d let my temper get the better of me, and while I could argue that it was seated in my strong sense of justice and rightness, I knew it wasn’t that simple. After all, few people could be as arrogant as someone who believed themselves truly correct,especiallywhen they thought they had the moral high ground.
Sheesh, Cade was already miserable despite his constant attempts to seem otherwise, and I knew that on top of that, he was hurting at the absence of the friend he’d made here. Then I rubbed salt in the wound, probably prickling the old wound that was the loss of his team, and added to his guilt and shame. What he had needed from me wasn’t the brutal truth swung in his face, or treating him like a child, but someone who could have been a friend.
I tensed when I realized I was no longer alone standing next to my locker, half-dressed. I turned to see that the guy who had been at the end of the row was closer. Not so close that I felt my personal space being violated, but close enough to make me uncomfortable with someone who was basically a stranger. I looked him over, taking in an attractive face that was looking at me with interest, and the way he was leaning against the lockers, arms crossed over his chest.
