I supposed it didn’t really matter what I looked like while I was here, which should have come as a relief. Instead, the idea was...weird. There hadn’t been a day for a few years where I didn’t make sure I was at least put together, if not looking my best. I could get away with not doing my hair in the mornings, walking around in pajama pants and shirts, but, eh, maybe one day while here I would feel that comfortable, but today was not that day, that was for sure.
“So,” Luka began, and I turned to see he was still standing near the door, watching me. “It’s up to you what happens next. If you want to settle in for a day, go right ahead. If you want to roam around or get introduced, that’s fine too. Really, you can do what you want. I can even leave you alone.”
“I don’t know what I want,” I said with a laugh. “That’s half the reason I’m here.”
“And the other half?”
“A mishmash, jumbled up. Sometimes linked, sometimes not.”
“Huh,” he said, looking at me. “Your self-awareness is on point.”
I chuckled. “That so?”
“I guess that explains why you’re in the Recuperation program and not…Recovery.”
“Honestly,” I said, closing the bathroom door and walking the perimeter of the room slowly. “The application process for Arete wasn’t helpful about what each program does. I signed up for what I thought fit best, and when I arrived, they agreed.”
“Recuperation is for people like you, who need some help but mostly just need to, well, recuperate from the world. Rest is like a vacation, but with access to all the facilities we offer. Recovery is for people to get a lot more focus from the staff, if they’ll accept it.”
I stopped at the coffee machine, looking at it. “Sounds like there are exceptions even to that rule.”
“There’s not a lot of rules,” he said with a laugh. “But, yeah, some guests, and you’ll meet them, have been in Recovery for a while. If they don’t respond to the guiding part of the program, we dial that back. We’ve got a few long-timers who don’t have a Guide anymore.”
I turned to him. “And me?”
“We offer Guides to first timers in all programs. In Recuperation, they're not expected to be as hands-on. Think of me less as a walking therapist, and more as a potential friend.”
“My own specially assigned friend.”
He grinned. “Something like that. I mean, it would be the same if I was assigned to a Recovery guest, but then I’m there to guide them more.”
“How specific and not confusing at all,” I said with a snort.
“Yeah, well, that’s Arete for you. As much as Reggie tries to bring order, he also gives plenty of freedom. It can be hard to navigate.”
I could see that easily. Even when people despised rules or order, most thrived when they understood where the lines were. Arete seemed to operate on a mix of freedom and rules, and I suspected that, although it was a little confusing to me, it could be frustrating for someone like Luka. Then again, I was just a guest, but he wasan employee. He needed to know what was allowed more than I did.
“Speaking of order,” I said, glancing at the computer panel by the door. “Reggie mentioned I can set up a schedule in the system. It would feel more familiar.”
“I can’t tell if you want familiar or something new.”
“Hmm, nor can I.”
He looked uncertain, and I had to remember that this was only his second time being someone’s Guide, and it hadn’t been hard to figure out that his first might not have been the smoothest. I smiled. “You don’t have to fret about handling me ‘just right.’ I know how hard it can be. Doesn’t help that you’re dealing with someone trained not to show what’s going on in their head.”
Luka cocked his head. “You were trained for that?”
“Through experience, not literal training,” I explained. “When people hire someone like me, they’re looking for an experience; usually a specific one. They’re not looking to get to know me or learn what I’m really like.”
“So they want you to pretend?”
“Oh, most of them wouldn’t actually say that, of course. Most people don’t want to look as though they’re demanding I lie for their benefit, or to make them feel better. That would be embarrassing, and even to an escort, that seems like an unfair demand,” I chuckled. “But deep down, that’s what they’resaying. They want someone to say all the right things, behave in all the right ways, to feed the illusion they’re paying for.”
“And that didn’t bother you?”
“If it hadn’t eventually bothered me, I wouldn’t have ended up in a place like this.”
“Well, that makes a lot of sense.”
