“They usually don’t.”
“Did, uh, did anyone try setting you up on a date after?—?”
Anyone else would have been ignored, deflected, or just straight up told to mind their own fucking business. Cade, though, didn’t mean any harm, and he knew better than anyone how hard some things were to talk about, even when it had been years. “Yeah, they tried a few times. Stopped after the last time ended with me almost landing in a ward, but they sent me here for the first time instead.”
He gave me a small, knowing smile. “Yeah, I guess there are worse places to end up, eh? I mean, this beats being locked up in a straitjacket. Do they still do that?”
“I have no idea. I hope not. Kinda kinky though.”
“I don’t think it’s s’posed to be kinky.”
“Which is even more reason to make it kinky.”
“Do ya think of anything else?”
I smirked. “It’s been known to happen. I’m just jerking your chain anyway.”
“I hope not. You’re not my type.”
“Oh, but I could be if you gave me a chance.”
He rolled his eyes. “That ain’t never gonna happen and you know it, keep dreamin’.”
“Oh, but I do! Every night I lie here all by my lonesome,” I said, pressing the back of my hand to my forehead and sighing heavily. “I find myself pining,yearningfor your presence in my body. Iachefor your body next to mine, holding me tight as I quiver from terrors and desires beyond description, beyond the pale!”
“Ya done?” he asked dryly, but he was still smiling. He was probably the only person outwardly amused by my antics.
“Well, I did have this whole bit that emphasized the yearning, the burning, and the dreams I have when I don’t have you here, but I can skip it if you’re going to ruin the mood,” I said with a shrug.
“Good, ’cause I’m kinda hungry and since ya were too busy gettin’ laid instead of eatin’, figured you’d be up for it as well,” he said, getting up and stretching with a grunt.
“Yeah, alright, I’ll meet you there,” I said.
He shot me a curious look, but if he was that curious about why I wasn’t going with him immediately, he kept it to himself as he nodded. “I hope there’s some Salisbury steak left. I’ll save ya any sausages if they got any.”
“Aww, the only man who truly understands that the way into my heart is straight through my stomach is the one who wouldn’ttouch another man’s dick if he was paid,” I said with a heavy sigh.
“Oh, I dunno, pick a big enough number and ya might be surprised,” Cade said with a snort as he opened the door.
“Liar,” I called as the door slid shut behind him, and I let out a heavy sigh, taking the dirty clothes out of my bag to toss into the hamper. I had to admit, the hamper was a pretty neat design, built to pull out from the wall. When it was full, all I had to do was close it and press a button that indicated to the housekeeping staff that they could gather it from the access point on the other side, and when the clothes were done, they would be dropped off. Reggie was proud of the system he had set up, but I had to admit that having privacy to the point that even housekeeping staff didn’t come into our rooms was one of his better ideas.
Walking to the bed, I sat and reached down to the drawers built into the base, opened the one tucked into the corner, and paused when my fingers brushed the corner of the picture frame tucked at the bottom. It felt wrong to have it hidden in my sock drawer, but...it was easier that way. I closed my hand around it, tempted to look at it for the first time in weeks.
The thing was, if I weren’t here, I probably would have, and after, I wouldn’t have felt like leaving my room. I would stay in my room and spend the rest of my night locked in a familiar pattern of misery and heartache. Worse was the fact that it got a little less painful each time, as if I was moving on, and finding a way to be okay. I didn’t know how to stop that, and sometimes I didn’t know if I wanted it to stop, even though I knew that to move on was to forget, to let go eventually, and I wasn’t ready for that. Actually, as far as I was concerned, I should never be ready for that; it was a weight I should carry with me for the rest of my life.
“Another time,” I said softly, stroking the glass but not looking before tucking socks over the frame. I was long past due remembering what this place made it so easy to forget, but my friend was waiting for me, and I couldn’t leave him alone after the day he’d had.
So I closed the door, accepting the heaviness in my chest but not letting it take over as it had many times before, and I left to find out if Cade had eaten everything while I’d left him unsupervised.
