“Does this happen often?”
“Naw, it’s actually been a minute. I think... Well, I think it still happens, but he deals with it alone. Been a bit since he did it and I knew about it,” Cade said, sounding frustrated. “He won’t tell me what’s goin’ on, but...I don’t know. I’m wonderin’ if maybe we made a mistake, pushin’ him to open up to ya.”
“I haven’t pushed him in the slightest,” I told him softly. “Well, other than making him think I was going to sleep with him last week.”
Cade’s eyes went wide. “What?”
I chuckled. “Calm down, he told me no and pushed me away.”
I didn’t think Cade’s eyes could get wider, but wider they got. “You’re kiddin’ me?”
“Nope,” I said with a shrug. “He said it wouldn’t feel right to do that to me.”
“Oh, that sounds like ’em. He likes actin’ like he don’t care, but?—”
“He does care,” I finished for him, wondering if caring was exactly Clay’s problem. Perhaps it was easier to play the cocky playboy whose only concern was when and with whom he was going to get laid than it was to deal with what he really cared about. That perhaps days like this were when the wellspring of care inside him threatened to spill and overtake him if he wasn’t careful.
Or I was full of shit and throwing things at the wall to see what stuck.
“But he’s...I mean, he’s been talkin’ to ya? Ya know, not like a pervert,” Cade added with a snort.
“Yes, I’ve learned that he was an electrician, though he seemed reluctant to tell me about it, and didn’t really get into detail, which seemed odd when it’s just a job,” I said, watching Cade’s face, and I saw a shadow pass over his features. Okay, I was right to think that was odd, but I kept my face neutral when Cade nervously glanced at me, clearly aware that reading his face was like reading a children’s picture book and making sure I didn’t catch his slip-up.
“Yeah, he made pretty good money, I guess,” Cade said with a casual tone that made me want to laugh, but I held itback, maintaining the illusion that he hadn’t just confirmed my suspicions.
“He also told me about growing up in Maine before moving to Arizona, that he used to have a dog, but the dog loved his sister more than him, so he gave it to her. Which I figured was a lie and called him out on it. He gave the dog up because he was supposed to be coming here, or, at least, that’s what he said. I told him I didn’t think that was the whole truth, but he didn’t have to tell me the whole truth if he didn’t want to. Which is when he decided to start talking about his love of old western movies, so I took the hint and moved on.”
Cade grunted. “Ya called him on it, and he told ya the truth?”
“He did, in fact, shift the story to something a lot more believable.”
“Ya don’t believe him?”
“I don’t think Clay realizes that in trying to hide something from me, he’s making what he’s hiding much more obvious.”
“What do ya mean?”
“I mean that with the parts of himself and his past that he’s been sharing, it seems his life was relatively normal, healthy, and happy. But there is a noticeable gap in his stories and memories. And that gap is right around the time that other things happened. Like, say, having to give his dog away, which happened around the time he realized and accepted he was into men. The same time frame he avoids in increasingly obvious ways.Somethinghappened, Cade, I know it did. And no, I’m not asking you to tell me, or give me hints, or even tell me if I’m right or wrong.”
Cade gave me a little smile. “Alright, I won’t.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “But yes, he’s taken the time and effort to act like a normal person around me. It’s hard for him, and sometimes he’s so busy trying to make sure he’s not giving toomuch away that the conversations get weird, or he defaults to making a dirty joke. But I’d say we’re becoming good friends.”
“And, uh, are you gonna?—"
“Sleep with him?”
“Yeah.”
“Do youwantme to?” I asked in amusement.
Cade winced. “I dunno, I mean, I don’twantya to, but I don’t not want ya to, either. I just...I’m the only person he’s been friends with, and I think it’s ’cause he hasn’t been able to sleep with me, ya know?”
“I know what you mean. I won’t pretend the thought hasn’t crossed my mind, but right now? No, I’m not going to sleep with him. I’m enjoying getting to know him and not considering throwing sex into the mix. It’s nice actually, having someone to talk to while knowing they want to sleep with me.”
“That, uh, don’t sound like friends to me. Sounds more like datin’.”
I laughed. “I guess it does now I say it out loud. But we’re not doing that either.”
