“Wait, how does that work?” I asked with a laugh. “How can you lie to yourself but be honest at the same time?”
“What, you’ve never told someone you were...I don’t know. Say you’ve been through something really terrible. And it’s been a while since it happened, but you still have bad days. Say someone you trust, like...Cade, were to ask you how you were feeling on a bad day. Would you tell him you felt like curling up in a ball and staying there all night? Or that you felt like crying all day? Or would you tell him it’s not a good day, but you’llmanage, or that tomorrow is a new day, or, this too shall pass, or any number of things that don’t give the full truth of what you’re feeling?”
Jesus, I knew he was speaking about something general enough to be applied to anyone, but fuck, that felt too close to the truth. He definitely didn’t know he was that close, but it was still weird as hell.
“Alright,” I said. “You’ve got a good point. I wouldn’t tell him something like that. But then again, he and I don’t really need to?—”
“Because you’re that close, or because you both have an implicit understanding about things like that?”
I stared at him and scoffed. “Are you going to tell me you’ve somehow come to the conclusion there’s something big in our lives?”
“I mean, if there wasn’t something wrong with either of you, or anyone staying here, me included, we wouldn’t need to be here, would we?” he asked with a shrug. “I don’t know your past any more than you know mine. But it’s a reasonably safe bet that either or both of you have been through something significant. Maybe it was a lifetime of bad things, or maybe one big thing. But it has to be something. And if you haven’t shared intimate details with him, or him with you, then perhaps it just comes from an understanding between two troubled people.”
“We’re nottroubled,” I scoffed. “I’m just here as a favor. I can get laid because this place has a weird habit of finding guys who like dick, even if they didn’t know it or admit it, that isn’t my fault. I’m just here to take advantage of it.”
There was a flicker of something on his face that made my chest give a guilty squeeze. The look was gone before I could figure out what it was. “So, no emotional hang-ups? No traumatic backstory that could be the reason you’re here? Nobad or unhealthy habits that could lead you to needing to be here for the help they offer? Nothing?”
“Nope,” I lied smoothly. Not because I thought there was nothing wrong with me. He had been absolutely correct in believing that many people lied to themselves and were honest about the kind of things going on in their own heads; I was no exception. I knew there was plenty wrong in my head, but it wasmyhead, not his. If anyone had to deal with the demons in my head, it would be me and no one else.
“Then I guess the people who wanted you here, you know, the ones you’re here as a favor to, are just overly cautious about your mental health,” he said with a smile.
“It wouldn’t be the first time someone overreacted, right?”
“I suppose it wouldn’t. What a shame though.”
I watched him pick up his drink and make his way toward the door. “What’s a shame?”
“Around here, being horny for the love of the game is boring, don’t you think? But constantly horny and searching for dick because there’s something wrong with your head? That’s?—”
“Interesting?” I finished with a snort. “Hoping I’m fucked up is kind of fucked up.”
“Well, I am here, aren’t I? Unlike you, most of us are here because we’re fucked up,” he said as he lingered in the doorway. “And no, it wouldn’t make you interesting. Trauma and sad stories don’t make people interesting; they just make them hurt and in need of help. It would have made you more relatable, though. If there’s anyone who knows what it’s like to have a complicated relationship with sex, it’s me. But it seems you’re either in the wrong place, in denial, or refusing to admit there’s something wrong with you and you happen to be incredibly horny...so yes, what a shame. At least you have your looks.”
It wasn’t often someone left me speechless, but Isaac did just that as he stepped out of the room with a little smirk, leaving meto wonder what exactly could be wrong with him. He didn’t seem that much of a mess, but then again, a lot of the guys around here didn’t think there was anything wrong with me other than my perpetual boner. And just what was that last look for? Was he trying to make me believe he knew more about me than I’d like? Or he at least suspected it?
No, that was paranoia talking. I didn’t like people knowing too much about me, and he was very good at making it sound like he knew more than he did. Most likely, that was a trick he had learned from his time as an escort, so I didn’t need to worry excessively. If anything, it reminded me how ‘psychics’ have been repeatedly busted, using general topics and getting more specific about someone when they were given enough information to keep generating more ‘visions’ or whatever to make it seem like they were all-knowing.
It was a parlor trick, nothing more. Maybe he used it to make people feel special or seen, or whatever. It probably helped people feel more comfortable around him, or special enough that they paid him well. And hell, I wasn’t going to hold it against him if that’s where he’d learned it. If it were that effective, he’d probably made good money. I was sure having someone as good-looking as him make you feel special was a quick way of getting into some rich client’s good graces.
It also meant I wasn’t going to obsess over what he might know or suspect about me, either. God knew there was plenty in my head that I thought and obsessed about enough as it was; I didn’t need to add what someone else thought about me into the mix. I’d done damn good the past few stays here, not fretting over what anyone thought of me, and I wasn’t going to start just because it came from someone who sounded wise and had nice legs.
“Damn, I forgot to see what his ass looked like,” I muttered in irritation. I had been so distracted by his yoga skills and thentalking to him that I’d forgotten to confirm my suspicions about the rest of his body. Ah, well, it wasn’t like I wasn’t going to be seeing him for the next few weeks; that was plenty of time, and hell, I might get lucky and catch sight of his entire body in the locker room or springs. Plus, even if he was only pulling some tricks, he was kind of fun to talk to and look at, so it was a nice enough combination that, given the chance, I would take advantage.
But for the present? Well, maybe I would see if Logan was feeling up to a little private time, or perhaps someone else...the day was young, after all.
