“I sincerely doubt that.”
We stare at one another for one beat. Two beats. Three.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
“Well, I figured as much. The mommy and me class starts in five and I didn’t think you were here for that.”
“Can we talk?”
He follows me to a small office off the pool deck. It smells like chlorine. Swimming report cards and colourful binders are stacked haphazardly across every flat surface.
He looks around the office, anywhere but me. My stomach sinks as I wonder if he’s going to end it.
When I can’t take the silence for one more moment I blurt, “You wanted to talk?”
He shifts his weight from one foot to the next. “Yes. I do, I just…I don’t know where to start, exactly.”
“Anywhere.”
His eyes look me over, like he’s committing my face to the deepest part of his memory and I’m terrified he’s walking away.
“My favourite song is ‘Cotton Eye Joe.’”
I stare at him, certain I imagined that. “I’m sorry?”
“I know. It’s awful. But they played it in warm ups every practice when I was a kid and it always brings me back to playing hockey with my friends. Before it became so serious.” He leans against the door behind him. “My favourite movie isThe Martian. I watch it at least once a year. I don’t have a favourite ice cream because I don’t like ice cream. I prefer sorbet, but really I’m not fond of any kind of frozen dessert. I don’t have a favourite TV show…but I do follow a guy on YouTube that restores antiques. I’m not sure if that counts.”
He inhales and exhales before continuing. “I have been alone for a very long time. Most of my life, really. Even before my injury, even when I was a kid, even when I was surrounded by people, I’ve felt alone. If that makes sense.”
I nod quickly while trying to blink back tears. “It makes sense.”
“But I don’t feel alone when I’m with you. I feel the opposite of alone. I feel like I’m part of something. Something good. Something real.”
I don’t seem to be capable of words and I hope that my watery smile is encouragement enough.
“I’m not good at doing the work. If I can’t throw money at a problem, I usually ignore it or just walk away. I’m terrified to lose you, but I’m also scared that if I try to hold on to you, you’ll end up hurt or disappointed and it will be my fault.”
Finally, I find my voice. “If this is going to work, we’re going to need to take that chance together. We’re going to need to be honest with each other. About everything.”
“I created the training program for Sam.”
I bite back a smile. “I suspected as much.”
“You did?”
“Well, yes. One day I say that I worry about Sam spending so much time on his own, the next you just happen to launch a program that’s perfect for him?”
He looks sheepish. “I guess it wasn’t very subtle. To be fair,he’s been a great addition to the team. Everyone loves having him around.”
“I really appreciate you doing that for him.”
He clears his throat. “I, uh, also have been paying the rent on the other half of your duplex for the last few months.”
That I did not know. My shock and mortification must be evident, because Arthur pales at my reaction.
“I’m so sorry, Elliot. I knew you were already struggling. I saw a way to help and I took it. But I shouldn’t have gone behind your back. We weren’t even dating at that point. I knew you never would have let me help you. I didn’t want things to get harder for you than they already were.”
