“Very well. I will take the mutt for a short walk around town before bed, then. I could use some space to clear my mind as well.” He exits through the back door, and within moments I hear the apartment door open and close.
I lock the front door, flicking off the overhead lights and pulling the front blinds closed. Turning on one of my favorite deep, moody songs perfect for end of the day cleaning, I tie my hair half up out of my face. The baseline thrums as I sweep, getting lost in the lead singer’s words as he talks about being close to the end and becoming who you are. I let my mind wander, mindlessly cleaning the floors and tabletops until I’m nearly done for the night before the power goes out, the room suddenly plunging into total darkness. The sound of the back door closing startles me, and I squint against the inky blackness. A figure stands just inside the doorway, silent and unmoving.My heart rate kicks up a notch, but I take a deep breath. It’s Matteo. It must be.
“Wh-who’s there? Teo?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. But he can hear me, I know he can.
No response comes from the shadows, and my heart pounds harder against my ribs. I can’t get behind the counter to where my gun is hiding without being forced to go through him first. It would be my fucking luck that as soon as I told Matteo to leave, that everything in Grovewood is safe and sound, someone attacks me in my own shop. The man is shrouded in shadows, so still as if etched in stone, which puts me on edge even more.
“What do you want?” I demand, anger building deep inside me. I’m so fucking tired of being afraid.
“Oh, diavolina. What do I want? I have only ever wanted you,” the man says, and instantly I recognize his voice. My masked man has returned.
He steps from the shadows, the slivers of moonlight glinting across his beautiful mask as he steps closer towards me. The skin on his hands and jaw are as black as the night surrounding us, and my heart drops to the floor. Surely I’m hallucinating?
“You’re not real. I already…you’re just a dream. Just something I made up in my mind.” I say, my voice shaking as I back away from his advances.
“Do I look like a figment of your dreams, diavolina? You honor me. To think you’ve been dreaming of me while you’ve been so far away, while you’ve been under a different man.” He steps closer and I take another step back.
“I don’t…he’s not…leave him out of this!” I lash out, stepping towards him for the first time, anger boiling in my veins.
I don’t care what he does or says about me, but he won’t threaten Sebastian. Surely Matteo will return before he can do any real damage. I’ll finally know the true identity of this phantom.
“Worried about your boy toy, my dear? I won’t hurt him. Not much, at least.” He grins that devilish grin and I snap.
Lunging towards him, we collide, my fist making connection with his jaw. He seems shocked for only a moment before he wraps himself around me, his arms locked around my torso from behind, forearms crossing low and tight across my stomach, pinning my elbows to my sides before I can react. His grip is solid, unyielding, meant to stop my movement, not hurt me. There’s no squeeze, just a controlled pressure, enough to restrain without injuring me. His breath is still, while mine becomes frantic. He is very,veryreal. And my body is reacting to him the way it has since the first moment he touched me.
“Let. Me. Go.” I grind out through gritted teeth.
“Calm yourself, and I will.” He replies, something about his demeanor so incredibly familiar, as if we’ve danced this dance before.
“Calm myself? How about you kiss my ass,” I snap back, and he laughs, a full-bodied laugh that sends chills through every nerve ending in my body.
That laugh. This touch. I am intimately familiar with both. Desperation and betrayal war for equal footing in my mind as I come to terms with my understanding of the masked man’s identity. As if my body has known all along, as if it’s been screaming at me to understand, to recognize, to open my fucking eyes and see the predator in front of me. I go still, the struggle in me dying. His grip around me loosens slightly, and I use the opportunity to jab an elbow directly into his left rib. He hisses in pain, his arms falling away from me, and I know I’ve proven my suspicion.
Turning to face him, finding the void where his eyes hide sunken behind the mask, I stare him down. Even though I can’t see those eyes, I know what I will find there. He drags in a ragged breath, and before I can think, my hand wraps around his throat,squeezing as hard as I can. His jet black hand grips my wrist but doesn’t pull me away.
“All this time, and I couldn’t see what was right in front of me? That you were making a fucking fool out of me?!” My voice raises an octave at least, the anger coursing through my veins.
“You are no one’s fool,Bambina” He uses that term of endearment I’ve come to cherish, and I squeeze harder as he squeaks out the last bit.
“Enough! No more! No more lies!” I walk him backwards, and he stumbles as I back him against the nearest wall, caging him in the way he’s made me feel since he first began haunting me. “You used me, targeted me from the very beginning.”
“I did.” he says it so plainly, the words slice through my heart.
“Why? Why would you do this to me?” I ask, begging for some kind of understanding. “I thought I was losing my fucking mind! Seeing things that weren’t there! But all along it was YOU!”
My grip tightens to the point of white knuckles, my fingers burning against the sensation. Tears burn like pinpricks in the backs of my eyes, and I will them away. I won’t cry for this man, won’t let this betrayal take anything more from me.
“You want the truth, or do you want more pretty lies?” he says, and I choke down a sob.
Pretty lies…
“Do you know how to tell the fucking truth?!” I scream, all hope for control lost. His neck will bruise where my fingers hold him, but I don’t give a fuck. He deserves every mark. I’ve never wished I had a gun in my hand more in my life.
“I’ve given you all of my truths, Vanessa. Every last one of them now. For all of my life, I’ve hidden the darkest parts of myself away from everyone, to keep them safe, to protect them from the depravity that runs soul deep inside me. This mask hasbecome like a second skin to me for so long, I’m not sure where it ends and I begin. Hiding behind the mask became my way of choosing distance over exposure. A deliberate act of showing this vessel. Something calm, charming, confident, yet still savage, all while keeping my true self hidden away underneath. The mask became a buffer, a shield that let me move through the world without being fully seen, or ever completely known.” He speaks with such fervor, such rawness, my fingers lose their grip. He takes a deep breath, his familiar sad smile the only piece of him peeking out from the edge of the mask.
“Behind it, I have all the control. I can decide what I allow people to see. I can smile without feeling much of anything at all, revel in the fear I cause. It dulls my vulnerability, but sharpens my power. Over time, it began feeling lighter than the truth, safer than honesty, even necessary. Like I couldn’t have any intimate connection without anonymity. Until the line between the mask and what’s real began to blur. It’s been my protection, of course. But it also feels…lonely. Because the mask not only keeps danger out, but it keeps intimacy out with it. Until I met you, and you shattered every single notion I ever held of what I thought I knew or wanted.” He swallows, the remnants of truth lingering in the air around us.
I want to be angry. I want to feel this betrayal for the rest of my life and never let this grudge die. And maybe before Sebastian, I would feel that way. I’ve always had this anger inside me, this ability to carry a chip on my shoulder that I just couldn’t brush off. But now, knowing the way he was raised and the kind of man he’s become in spite of it all, I can’t bring myself to feel even an ounce of contempt towards him. He’s softened all my serrated edges by pairing them down with his own. From the outside looking in, he’s not a good man. He’s manipulative, he lied to me, but he’s also opened my eyes to a life unlike anything I ever thought imaginable for myself. He’s shown me I don'thave to be ashamed of the darkness I carry inside myself because it’s mirrored in his own.
