Chapter 10
MAE
I endup going to bed earlier than everyone, citing a headache. Really, I need to stop thinking about Elle and all the ways we’ve failed her.
Cally is fast asleep when I check on her, chest rising and falling in an easy rhythm. She lays sprawled across Asmo’s bed, the sheets shoved to the side. She wears some combination of Asmo’s and Luca’s clothes, the blood-crusted ballgown discarded in the corner of the room.
I watch her for several moments before turning back to my own bedroom. It only takes a few minutes to realize sleep won’t be coming for me tonight. I lay there for as long as I can stand, then shrug my coat on.
Ivan is asleep on the sofa when I pad down the hall, his snores emanating throughout the cozy living room. The bitter night air greets me like an old friend as I step outside.
I nearly jump from my skin when I see Asmo sitting in Ivan’s usual chair.
“Miss me?” he repeats the question from earlier, but without his usual cockiness. It just comes off as sad this time.
“What are you doing out here?” I rub my arms as I try to stave off the permeating cold.
“Couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d give staring at the forest a try. Seems to work for you,” he says with a shrug.
I grab a green and black flannel throw blanket from the pile stacked against the wall.
“Yes, well, part of why I love coming out here is the silence,” I say, glaring at him as I wrap the blanket around me and settle into the chair beside him.
Asmo follows my every movement, like a predator tracking its prey. “I’ll shut up then. Whatever the princess wants.”
A warmth takes hold in my chest. I missed hearing the nickname. “Thank you,” I say, tucking my knees to my chest.
The silence only lasts for a few moments before he breaks it again. “I can see why you like it out here so much. The forest is calming. The sound of the wind. The birds, the owls. It’s peaceful.”
I nod, trying to discourage conversation. I’m so tired.
“Mae,” he whispers. The warmth in my chest vanishes as I take in his slumped posture, his usual cocky smile gone. He looks sad. Small. A version of himself I’m not familiar with. One that I’m certain no one is familiar with.
I’ve seen Asmo furious, annoyed, lustful, surprised—but never defeated. He’s always seemed so strong, so unbreakable to me. But now he’s staring at me like he’s a broken version of himself, and like I have the power to put him back together again.
“What are we doing?” he whispers.
A gentle breeze floats past, his question hanging in the air.
“I don’t know,” I whisper back. “I don’t know how to get it back. I don’t know how to fix this, save Cally, save Elle, save the kingdom. I don’t know.”
I don’t know how to save us.
I don’t know how to save myself.
“We have to figure something out. We can’t just sit here.”
Anger sparks inside of me at his response. I welcome it, grabbing hold of it in an instant. Anger is a fire I can breathe life into. I glare at him. And damn it, if I don’t see a corner of his mouth twitch.
“You think I don’t know that? All I do is think about what to do and how hopeless it all feels. Six months ago, my biggest problem wasmaking sure bookshelves were stocked and figuring out what I was going to make for dinner. I don’t know how or whyI’mresponsible for saving a kingdom. I don’t know why anybody putmein charge of this. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, and now Elle is a prisoner and people are dead and I don’t know what todo,” I snap.
He nods slowly, like he’s scared to push me. And just like that, the fire has been extinguished. That’s not the part he’s supposed to play. He’s supposed to snap back at me, not be broken beside me.
“I’m just one person.” My voice comes out soft.
“No,” he says forcefully. “Don’t do that. You’re not justone person.You’re one of the most powerful hybrids in the kingdom. You’re the High Queen. You took an oath, a vow to protect this kingdom. And just because it got a little hard, that doesn’t mean you just get to quit.”
I put my head in my hands. “I’m not quitting, I’m just…I don’t know what to do,” I groan.
