“I’m sorry,” I say, and Bryan looks up, his brows knitting together. “Not for loving Este. I’m not going to apologize for that?—”
“Good. I’d be pissed off if you did.”
“I’ve been an awful friend. You’re the only person other than Shay who didn’t give up on me, and I’ve been shit to both of you.”
“You picked up the phone every time, even when I could tell you didn’t want to,” he says with a shrug. “You always texted back, even if it took a while and you didn’t have much to say. You didn’t miss a single birthday or Christmas or anniversary. I’ve missed you like hell, Nico, but you could’ve shut me out. You could’ve ignored me, and you didn’t. I never lost hope that one day you’d come back to us.”
“If I’d had even a fraction of that faith in myself, I’d have gotten my shit together a long time ago.” I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to deserve it, but I’m trying not to default to thinking I don’t deserve things. It’s a work in progress.
“Seems like you might be getting there now, though,” he points out.
“I am.” Thanks to Este. Bryan hoped I’d scare Este into not giving up, but she scaredmeinto trying again. Becauseif I don’t, I’ll lose her. “I know this isn’t what you expected. I tried to fight it, Bry, I swear. God knows I’m too old for her.”
“Your age isn’t what I’m worrying about. I mean, it’s not great, but honestly, Chris is struggling with that a lot more than I am. My concern is… I know you, Nico. Or I knew you. I know how full of life you were, and I know that who you are now is not that person. She’s twenty-six. I don’t want her hiding away on a mountain for the rest of her life. You’re trying, I can see that, but she’s been through so much. You both have.”
He sounds tired, and I know a lot of it probably stems from worry about Este that he still hasn’t processed from the accident.
“I can’t promise I’m going to get it right every time, but I can promise I’m not going to stop trying. Este and I have a lot to talk about, to figure out, but you and I have the same priority. I refuse to hold her back.”
Relief flickers on his face. “Good. I do trust you, for the record. It’s just a lot to wrap my head around. You’re almost twice her age, and I’ve known you since we were eleven, you know?”
“I get it. I’ve been wrestling with it for a while.”
Bryan chuckles, the sound just like Este’s. “I can imagine.”
I sip my tea, and he sips his coffee, but the silence between us is less awkward than it was.
“I’d like to say something, but I don’t want you to think I’m overstepping,” I say after a while, glancing at the bluedot on my phone to make sure Este isn’t about to suddenly appear.
“You’re still my best friend. You don’t have to bite your tongue around me because you’re… dating? Whatever it is you’re doing with my daughter.”
Dating sounds nice. Another thing we need to talk about.
“You said I’m not the person I was before, and that’s true. But neither is Este. Or, at least, that’s how she feels. Obviously, I didn’t know her before, but she feels like a different version of herself. And she’s finding it hard to talk to you and Chris about it because she thinks you’re… in denial, I guess. About the crash.”
Bryan’s face falls, and I immediately regret opening my mouth until he speaks. “She’s right. We have been. Not talking about what happened, acting like nothing has changed… It’s just easier, I think we thought if we pretended everything was okay,shewould feel like everything was okay. But it’s not, and she’s not the same person she was before the crash. She’s our little girl, and it’s a big adjustment.”
“She’s still Este,” I remind him gently. “Even if she never flies again, even if she does a complete one-eighty, she’s still Este.”
“That she is. I guess we all have a lot of healing to do. But maybe… maybe this time we can be there for each other, as well as Este?” he asks tentatively. It’s the best-case scenario, really, getting my best friend back in my life despite the fact that I’ve betrayed his trust a hundred times over with his daughter—not to mention the years of trying to push him away.
“I’d really like that, Bry.”
For the first time since I watched them lower my sister into the ground, starting over doesn’t seem like the scariest thing in the world.
31
ESTE
The only things dragging me along Main Street are the two dogs excitedly tugging on their leashes and the promise of caffeine. My body has become accustomed to sleep, but as much as sleeping with Nico is easier, it’s not foolproof.
I was wracked with nightmares every time I closed my eyes last night. It was relentless. At one point, I cried so much that Nico’s white T-shirt was see-through. He held me all night, never once making me feel guilty for keeping him awake when he needs sleep more than ever.
Keeping the man I love from sleep when he’s recovering from surgery was the final straw. I dialed my boss the second it was a business-appropriate time this morning and told him that, while I appreciate how badly he wants to keep me, I was resigning, effective immediately. I emailed HR right after to confirm, and, as of ten this morning when they emailed back, I am officially no longer an employee of Skylark Airlines. Finally.
Nico read the confirmation email over my shoulder and attacked me with kisses, before making me hop up on the kitchen counter (after testing the table and grumbling aboutflatpack furniture), dropping to his knees, and enjoying me for breakfast.
And, in turn, making me late formybreakfast plans. But I would happily have missed breakfast altogether if that was the reason why. I’m not sure my family would be so understanding, though.
