“And do you see me complaining? It’s a privilege, baby.”
I thought I was past the butterflies, but wings flutter in my stomach at the conviction in his words. “You know, you really are far too sweet to be hiding up here,” I say, and he rolls his eyes.
“I’ll take that under consideration. So, do you have any idea what you might want to do next?”
I stare at the ceiling, counting the knots in the wood, andsigh. “Probably still something in aviation,” I say. “I don’t like the idea of going back to school if I don’t have to. Maybe something administrative. I don’t know.”
Nico hums, and my gaze snaps to him.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he says quickly. “I just can’t picture you in admin, that’s all. You don’t really seem like a sit in an office all day kind of person.”
I’m not. It sounds like my idea of hell, actually, but there are limited options with my aviation degree.
“Well, like you said, I have plenty of time to figure it out.”
“True.” Nico hesitates, and I raise a questioning brow. “I hope you fly again. I know you don’t want to fly for a commercial airline anymore. I get that, but I hope that one day you fly again. I can see how much you loved it whenever you talk about it, and even if it’s a tiny plane and it’s just you in the sky, I hope you do it.”
“I miss it,” I say softly. “It terrifies me, don’t get me wrong, but I miss it. I was driving up here on the highway, looking up at the mountains. They’re beautiful, but all I could think about is how incredible they must look from above. I’m glad to have my feet on the ground, but it’s different out there, you know?”
“One day, angel.”
“Yeah. Maybe,” I say, forcing some of the tension out of my body. Was it really only two hours ago that Nico drew every ounce of stress from me with orgasm after orgasm? I miss that.
“Alright,” I say, rolling onto my side so I can look at him properly. “Your turn.”
“My turn?”
“I just bared my soul to you. It’s your turn.”
Nico looks wary. “What do you want to know?”
Everything.But I don’t say that. “You said you tried to go back to therapy this year. Why now?”
“Last fall, Shay’s girlfriend’s bakery caught fire when they were asleep in the apartment upstairs. They’re both fine, obviously, but it really put things in perspective for me. Before that, Shay and I texted a couple of times a week, and only ever saw each other when she drove up here to see me,” he says, and I hear how guilty he feels. Is there anything in his life he doesn’t bear the weight of guilt over?
“I want to have a better relationship with her and get to know Noelle properly. I want to have a better relationship with the world in general. That’s why I invited your dad here. But it was easier to be brave when everything was fresh. By the time I made it to that therapy appointment, I didn’t have it in me anymore. I thought about canceling with your dad, but every time I tried, there was a little voice in the back of my head that told me not to.”
“I’m glad you didn’t cancel,” I say, and his gray eyes soften.
“Me too.”
“Do you think you might try again with therapy?” Therapy isn’t for everyone, and I imagine, after all these years, it would be beyond difficult for Nico to walk back through everything. But things always get more difficult before they get easier.
“I don’t know. I want to think that there’s a chance that I could get better. I couldbebetter. But honestly, I don’t believe there is. I think… I think I’m too far gone.” I hate how small he sounds. I know he thinks he gave up decades ago, but he tried earlier this year, even if he didn’t follow through with it. He tried.
“Don’t say that. You may not be twenty-six, but you still have plenty of time to figure it out, and you don’t have to do it on your own.”
Nico shrugs—a weak, halfhearted movement that makes my heart ache. “Being on my own is easier, though. Not having to worry about other people.”
“You’re worrying anyway, Nico,” I say, sitting up and poking him in the chest. He catches my finger in his and holds it. “Can you honestly tell me you worried less about Shay when you weren’t talking to her as often?”
The clock on the mantel ticks several times before he answers. “No comment.”
“Exactly. You have people. You have Shay. You have Noelle. You have my dad. You have me.”
“For now.” He sounds as sad as I feel about leaving.
