But when she pulled up outside the cabin and thrust Amelia Bearhart into my hands, I would never have guessed we would even become friends, let alone… this.
And as guilty as I feel for betraying her dad’s trust, as much as it’s going to hurt when she goes home, when I think about Este’s sleepy smile as we drifted off together bundled up in the blankets and sleeping bag at the lookout in the early hours of the morning, or the way she cuddled into me last night while we read together after dinner, I can’t bring myself to regret a damn thing.
19
ESTE
It’s been a week, and I haven’t told Sloane that Nico and I slept together. I haven’t told her much of anything, not for her lack of trying. She clearly wanted more than I gave her, but the deeper Nico and I fall into this, the more I want to keep it to myself. I’m not entirely sure why.
Therapy is the perfect place to talk it out, but I don’t tell Rebecca, either. Because I don’t need anyone to tell me how stupid it is to catch feelings for a man who lives on the outskirts of society by choice. A man who happens to be my dad’s best friend, and doesn’t want to be attracted to me, let alone have feelings for me. I’m well aware.
I know it’s stupid. I know it’s not going to end well. And I really,reallydon’t give a shit. I was raised to work to get what I want, and what I want is Nico. I’ll figure out the logistics when my mind isn’t spinning about it all so much.
“That’s great, Este! Fresh air can work wonders for sleep. I’m not surprised getting out of the city has helped,” Rebecca says. Of course, I know that’s not why I’m sleeping so well, but she doesn’t need to. “You should keepthat in mind when you get home—maybe find a nice park to walk in.”
I don’t bother pointing out that the fresh air in Chicago isn’t the same as the fresh air in the mountains in Wyoming, mostly because I don’t want to talk about going home. I don’t want tothinkabout going home. Being here is like being in a bubble, I know, but it’s a bubble I’m enjoying being in.
“I got an email from your boss,” Rebecca continues, and my stomach flips uncomfortably.Pop goes the bubble.“He was just checking in, wondering if we had any updates on when you might be ready to go back to work.”
This is the downside of continuing with the therapist assigned to me by Skylark Airlines after the crash, but I didn’t feel like starting from scratch with a third party.
“As I’ve told him, and everyone, I’m not going back,” I say, trying to sound steadier than I feel. Just the mention of returning to Skylark is enough to shake me.
“Right. He did mention you’d told him, but he’s concerned that your decision to leave is a trauma response and not something you’ve really thought through.”
I pinch my brow. “Of course it’s a trauma response. I would have no reason to quit if I hadn’t been traumatized. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought it through. I handed in my resignation almost two months ago, and they still refuse to accept it.”
At any other airline, I likely wouldn’t have an issue. But when the owner’s granddaughter tries to quit, everyone freaks out. I know my grandpa wants to pass Skylark to me—my dads have never had any interest in running the business, butneither have I. Nor do I think I’d be any good at it. If he wants to keep it in the family, Sloane is the logical choice. She’s much more business-minded than me or our dads. But Grandpa’s old-fashioned and doesn’t understand the way Sloane works. At the moment, she’s in marketing for Skylark, but she’s constantly tearing her hair out because they refuse to listen to any of her suggestions to modernize things.
Rebecca gives me a sympathetic smile. “I know right now it feels like you could never fly again, but?—”
“I’m not saying never. But if I ever do decide to fly again, it’ll be on my terms, and it won’t be a commercial aircraft where I’m responsible for hundreds of people. I’m not going to change my mind on this.”
She hums and writes something down. “Are you still having nightmares?”
“Yeah. Not as many, though.”
“That’s something, at least. And have you thought about what we talked about? Sharing the nightmares with someone—Sloane, or your dads?”
“I’ve told Nico about some of them.”
Rebecca raises her brows. “Nico? The guy you’re staying with?”
“Mhmm. He’s been through something similar and has nightmares, too, so I’ve shared some of mine, he’s shared some of his. It helps.”
She scribbles something down. “Sharing back and forth can certainly take some of the pressure off. When you say similar nightmares—he’s been in a plane crash too?”
“A car crash. When he was twenty-five. He wasdriving, and his triplet died. It’s why he moved up here—and hasn’t left for the past twenty-odd years. He blames himself.”
“How awful. I can see why the two of you would be able to find common ground. Would you say you feel close to him?”
I know a leading question when I hear one. I shouldn’t have brought Nico up, but as much as I don’t want to share any of this with Rebecca, I’d rather talk about him than work. “We’re close, yes. We have a lot in common, and I feel better when I’m with him.” She doesn’t have to say anything for me to know she’s reading between the lines. “It’s not… I know he’s older, but I’m an adult. And you did say I should find something fun to do.”
She holds up her hands. “I’m not judging, Este. You’re twenty-six, and while this definitely isn’t what I meant by ‘fun,’ if Nico is helping you open up, that’s not a bad thing. But I do think you need to be cautious. You’re in a vulnerable position, and?—”
“It’s not like that. Nico isn’t taking advantage—he takes care of me. I initiated things. He’s actually very protective.” Now that Iknow, I’ve caught him cooling my tea down before bringing it to me. It’s adorable.
“I’m not suggesting he would take advantage of you. I don’t know him. But I’m conscious that you mentioned he blames himself for his sister dying in a car crash when she was twenty-five, right?” I nod. “You were in a plane crash when you were twenty-five. And now you’re in front of him, you’re healing, and he can take care of you. In a way, you’re like a second chance for him.”
