It’s not funny how much just hearing her name makes my heart race. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Everything’s great, yeah. She likes it up here, and the dogs love her,” I tell Shay.
“Are you kidding? They hate everyone!”
“Not Este.”
“Damn. That makes how much they hate me feel a little personal,” Shay grumbles. “Anyway, what’s up? I assume you didn’t just call for a catch-up this early.”
Right. “Uh, no. There is something I wanted to talk to you about, actually.”
“Shoot.”
I draw the freezing air into my lungs. “Do you remember last year on our birthday when you came up here to see me and tell me about Noelle, and I didn’t judge you for being into someone sixteen years younger than you?”
The line is silent for almost a full minute, and I swear I can feel the words sinking into her.
“Absolutely not, Nico. You cannot, under any circumstances, have sex with your best friend’s twenty-six-year-old daughter.” Her tone is somewhere between firm and disbelief.
I groan, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Trust me, you have no idea how hard I’m trying not to.”
“Try harder. Ugh,” she echoes my groan. “What the hell, Nico?”
“Hey, I didn’t judge you when you told me about Noelle.” It’s a weak argument; we both know it’s not the same.
“First, you were a little judgy. And even if you weren’t, you and I both know it’s not the same,” Shay says, which has more to do with common sense than our triplet connection. “You’re twenty-one years older than her, and she is literally stuck in your house with nowhere to go. That is not a healthy power balance. Not to mention the fact that she’sbeen through a hell of a lot recently—I talked to Bryan. No good can come of anything between you two.”
It’s a reality check I don’t want but desperately need. Even if Este was the one who initiated things, I should’ve known better than to let it go so far.
Things got so out of hand, so quickly last night. We lost ourselves to each other, and I can’t risk doing that when I’m supposed to be taking care of her. What happens if she suddenly feels unsafe with me, and her options are dealing with it or trying to make her way down the blocked mountain road? Neither one is good.
“You’re right,” I admit with a sigh. “Shit. It won’t happen again.”
“Again? Fuck, Nico. You’ve got to be kidding me.” I can picture her disappointed expression perfectly. It’s one I’ve been on the receiving end of many times before—she looks exactly like our mom when she’s disappointed. “Did you… Please tell me it was her idea.”
“It was. But I should’ve stopped it. I know.”
“No shit,” Shay replies. “It was just sex, right? You don’t have feelings for her?”
“Of course not,” I say quickly. And I mean it, even if it doesn’t taste quite right in my mouth. “I mean, I like her a lot. She’s great, and funny, and impressive as hell. And we have a lot in common. So, yeah, I do feel things, obviously, but just normal things.”
“Normal things like what?” Shay asks, her voice strained.
“You know… normal things. I like being around her. And I’m protective of her and shit. Like, on Sunday, she stubbed her toe on the stairs, and I briefly considered dismantling the whole staircase and burning it. But that’s not weird.”
“Oh god,” she groans.
I’m a smart guy, recent actions notwithstanding. I feel how it feels; I hear how it sounds. And even if I couldn’t, I can read Shay well enough to know how it sounds to her. The thing about being so connected to another person is that sometimes you need to see a situation through their eyes. Which is exactly why I called her.
“Shay.”
“Nico.”
“Tell me what to do here,” I beg. “I’m so fucked.”
She sighs, and I hear her tapping something. “Well, you’re stuck together, so you’re going to have to be careful. Obviously. How much time have you been spending together? Aside from… You know.”
I do know. “A lot. We’ve been reading together, cooking together, hanging out with the dogs. And…” I trail off, but Shay prompts me:
