“It was so hot yesterday, I broke wind just for the extra breeze.” Rob folded his arms, a small smile on his face. “It was so hot, I saw a squirrel handling nuts with a pair of tongs.”
I groaned. He was just winding up. I could tell. It didn’t help that Dean laughed at both jokes.
“It was so hot, they asked the Statue of Liberty to lower her arm.”
Amy came back with our drinks on a tray in time to catch his next one. “You have any more?”
“Oh yeah.” Rob smiled across the booth at me. He remembered every joke he’d ever heard, always waiting for the perfect moment to pull it out. What a gift. “This one’s for you, honey. It was so hot, I offended my wife just to get the cold shoulder.”
Amy looked over at me and Dean sitting close together with our matching coaching shirts, and her laugh turned into a look of confusion.
“That’s her good, good friend,” Rob explained. “And I have one more joke, just for the occasion. A husband and wife are fast asleep when the phone rings. After listening a few seconds, the husband shouts, ‘Who do you think I am, the weather man?’ and slams down the receiver. ‘Who was that?’ the wife asks. ‘I don't know,’ he says. ‘Some guy wanting to know if the coast is clear.’”
“Wow.” Amy gave an uncomfortable laugh and started handing out our drinks. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere but at our table.
Dean took the first Coke from her and reached out to hand it across to Rob. “They’re divorced. Nice joke, Rob.” Somewherein the handoff, the cup slipped and knocked over, splashing a large Coke straight into Rob’s lap and onto Piper.
Piper gasped, more worried about the drops on her coloring page than the deluge soaking into the bench.
“I’m sorry. I’ll get something to—” Dean jumped up from his seat and knocked right into Amy’s tray, sending the rest of our drinks and the drinks for the table next to us crashing to the floor.
All conversation around us went dead silent.
Rob started to laugh. He laughed until he was wiping tears out of his eyes. “Best day ever.” He pounded the table. “Best. Day. Ever.”
Chapter 32 – Dean
I sat inside my car in my driveway with my head tilted back, feeling like the world’s biggest moron. There wasn’t really a great way of handling the mess I’d made, but paying everyone in sight and then leaving without saying a word wasn’t exactly award-winning behavior. I threw money at Rob for his ruined parrot shirt and stupid cargo shorts. I gave the waitress enough to cover the mess I’d made and more for her trouble. And then I just turned down the aisle, handing a twenty to the busboy holding a mop on my way out.
I’d driven home, and here I sat still, debating whether to go back, knowing I wouldn’t. It was too late for that. I’d gone toe-to-toe with a scrawny comedian, and lost. I’d lost so hard. But worse than that, I’d left Grace after promising myself I’d never do that. They were eating lunch without me. Probably finished by now. Which was for the best.
I pressed my palms against my eyes. This was worse than the time I accidentally texted a client instead of my mom and told her I loved her and I’d be over soon. Her husband hadn’t liked that so much. We all had a good laugh after the death threats.
I heard a car pull up to the curb behind me and shut off. It sounded like Grace’s car. A car door opened and closed. Footsteps.
“Dean.”
I heard her voice through the passenger window before she lightly knocked on it. “Let me in.”
I hit the unlock button, and Grace opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.
“Where’s Piper?” I asked.
“Rob took her to his mom’s house for a bit.”
“Oh.” I stared out the windshield at my garage door and sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that. I just felt like I was making things worse by being there. Even before spilling everything in sight.”
“You didn’t make anything worse. You fit right in.”
“What? By screwing up and then walking away?” It was a terrible joke aimed at Rob, and I immediately wanted to take it back.
Grace reached over and punched my arm. “I hate to tell you this, but Rob’s gonna be around. He’s part of the wonderful Grace-and-Piper package.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t purposely spill Coke all over him, but I have to admit, I’m not one-hundred percent certain it was accidental either. I think my subconscious wanted to strangle him and it sort of... tipped my hand. I promise I’ll learn to like him.”
“Look at me, Dean.”
I turned and met her gaze, trying to see how much trouble I was in.
