What was she like without her walls?
The Grace I knew didn’t talk to me anymore. She was grumpy and guarded, but more often, just polite. Our small talk could put an insomniac to sleep.
Instead of the funny, snarky, bossy college girl who would roll her eyes and steal the remote from us mere high school mortals, I only got glimpses of that person now. And I had to really provoke her to get it.
I wasn’t sure what I’d done to get on her bad side. Maybe nothing. Maybe her stupid ex-husband just made her distrust men. There was a reason Grace never told me when he came into town to see Piper. I was the opposite of his biggest fan, andit wasn’t exactly a secret. The guy was a stand-up comedian, and his middling career meant more to him than the two people he’d promised to love and cherish. My dream was to stand in the front row at one of his performances and boo after every joke. If I didn’t think Grace would kill me, I’d totally do it.
Two more blocks and I’d arrive at the dance studio. I’d purposely taken the longest route possible so she’d get there before me. If she spotted my Audi on her way in, it would be too late to get the rest of the group to keep her inside having fun with us, and Grace needed fun.
More than that, Grace needed someone in her life to hold her just because and tell her she was beautiful. She needed someone to make her laugh every day and never make her cry.
The more she claimed she was fine and didn’t need any help, the more I paid attention to the clues that told me otherwise. And at some point, that protectiveness had morphed into something I didn’t plan or intend.
Not that I hadn’t always found Grace attractive; I just never saw the two of us as a possibility. But once I did, I couldn’t make it stop. I planned elaborate ways to get her attention. I held onto breadcrumbs pigeons wouldn’t even get excited about.
And now it was worse, because the few weeks we’d spent chatting online had done nothing to get her out of my system. If anything, I wanted more of the Grace I’d discovered.
“We’re going to have a great time. She’ll be surprised, but she’ll get over it.” Manifesting out loud was something I only did when I was extremely nervous and one-hundred-percent alone. I wasn’t even sure I bought into the science of it. But I’d tried it once, and it wasn’t awful. In fact, I’d felt immediately better.
“The only way through is forward. You can’t keep hoping she’ll see you differently one of these days. We’re going to make things happen, one way or another.”We’re going to?As in, me and this confident voice? Okay, maybe it was time to lay off the manifesting.
I counted cars in the small parking lot of the CanCan Dance Studio. Less than twenty of us. Grace aside, I was excited tomeet people in such a low-key setting. Growing up with money, I’d gotten used to girlfriends with a certain expectation of me. That I’d spoil them. That they’d be taken to places to be seen. Even if things didn’t work out with Grace, maybe there’d be someone else here. Someone who wouldn’t look at me with dollar signs in her eyes.
Someone like… I couldn’t come up with the name of another female in the group, let alone their profile picture. I pressed my palms into my eyes.Come on, Dean. You can’t have that bad of tunnel vision. Lacey. There was a Lacey in the group. But I only knew that because she was Grace’s friend. Man, I was hopeless.
I hit the lock button on my keys, making my Audi chirp. Then I strode inside like I didn’t know I was about to set off a bomb.
I spotted Jackson first. He was setting up his DJ table, and he looked exactly like his profile picture, a big dude with light blue eyes under bushy eyebrows, wild curly hair, and a smile that was larger than life.
“Jackson.” I walked over and shook his hand. He pulled me in for a chest bump. It wasn’t even weird. He just assumed we were already friends, and I loved that.
“Who are you, man?”
“Knead. Dean, actually.”
“Dean! What are you doing not having a profile picture with a face like that? You know what? I don’t want to know. I thought maybe your name was Ned, like N-E-D, and you wanted it to sound cooler. But then I looked it up, and Knead with a K is pronounced like need. I thought for sure it was Ned like Bread. I’ve already had this conversation with Stella and Lou. So, if you were going for man of mystery, mission accomplished. What music do you like?” He gestured to his laptop that was open on the table. Right now, he had a techno beat going mixed with Spanish pop. Loud enough to enjoy, but not inhibiting conversation.
“I’m up for anything. You planning any slow songs?”
Jackson nodded. “Oh, yeah. We’ll have a mix of everything. Up tempo and slow. Um, you should know Grace is staring at the back of your head. There’s definitely been a vibe between you two in the chat. Not gonna lie, Stella, Lou, and I were talking about that, too.”
Awesome. We were already drawing attention to ourselves. Grace would love that. “Jackson, don’t spread this around, but um, Grace and I already know each other.”
“Like you hooked up outside of group? That’s against the rules. You have to show up to a group event first.”
“No, I mean we’ve known each other since forever. But she doesn’t know I’m Knead. Well, maybe she does now. She’s going to think I tricked her.”
“Did you?”
“No, you have to pick your profile name and profile picture before you go in. GoWithFriends has my full info sheet. You know how it is. You’re basically giving them your whole life. But they don’t make you share all of it with the group unless you want to. And I didn’t want to.” I was not about to admit the reasons for that. Number one being the decent chance of running into someone I’d previously dated, and number two being that I had enough money for women to Google me and find out exactly how much.
Jackson’s gaze moved to just behind me. “Incoming. You two better not mess up this party. It took a lot of backdoor dealing to get Tessa here, and I want to dance with her.”
I gave him a small salute and turned around just in time for Grace to take me by the forearm and drag me off the dance floor and out into the front hallway.
“Did you follow me?” she whispered, glancing around. It was just us two out here, except for a guy standing at the glass doors like he was waiting for someone. “I get that this is out of my normal routine, but please tell me this is not you trying to, like, check up on me or something.”
I rubbed my jaw, trying to figure out how to break this to her. She didn’t even look mad. Just really, really bewildered. Which meant she was not prepared for what I was about to say.
