Rob took in a deep breath. “You used to do that when you’d get upset. I’d forgotten. I haven’t seen you upset in a long time. Now, you’re more like…”
“A robot?”
We both laughed, breaking the tension.
“I would never have a man over like that with Piper in the house. I made you wait until our wedding night; you don’t think I’d do that again? I guess I’m mad, because if that was going on, it is your business as her dad to know about it, but you’re never around. And when you are, you’re hoping to be that guy sleeping over. I’m so mad at you right now.” My emotions were bouncing all over the place. By giving them voice, I’d given them power. I could feel tears coming, and that made me madder than ever.
“Do you want a hug?” Rob asked.
“No, I don’t want a hug.” I ran my hands through my hair. “Do you have any idea what I want, Rob?”
“Obviously not.”
His calmness was so maddening.
“I want you to step up and be in Piper’s life in more meaningful ways. I’ve been in the way of that because I have all these boundaries when it comes to you. I hoped at some point you’d catch on and figure this out. We are never going to be a thing, ever again. Not temporarily, not a one-time thing. Not a just-when-you’re-in-town thing. I don’t want a comforting hug from you. I don’t want your arm around me at dinner. The truthis, I haven’t felt safe to be myself around you in a long time. And then I take it out on other people.” Holy crap, that was true. All my bottled-up fear, anger, and stress came out on the people who could take it. People like my brother. People like Dean. I’d punished him for liking me more than an allowable amount. I’d punished him for daring to wish for things I wasn’t ready for.
Rob didn’t say anything. His head was bowed.
“When I see you, I see someone who let me down, but that’s not who Piper sees. She loves you unconditionally. You won’t get that for too much longer. Don’t miss this.”
“I’m kind of afraid of that, you know? She thinks I’m so great. I’m not great. You could write essays about how not great I am.” He shook his head.
“I’ll help you.” I thought about all the ways Dean had built my confidence in the moment I needed it. “You’re not all bad, Rob. You always show up when you say you will. You call to let me know if you’re running late. You make her laugh, and you’re good at listening to her. Maybe better at it than me.”
He scuffed his shoe. “So, like what? What meaningful ways?”
“Come to her events. Soccer season is over, but she’ll be playing basketball soon. You could come to a game when you’re in town. They’re on Saturday mornings.”
“They have seven-year-olds playing in basketball games? How low is the hoop?”
“It’s pretty ridiculous. You’d get tons of material for your stand-up. But speaking of…”
Rob held his hand up. “I know. I need to stop making jokes about you.”
“That would be great. You should make jokes about Chili’s.”
“I love Chili’s.”
“I know. You should talk about your love for Chili’s.”
Rob wrinkled his nose. “You’re making this hard not to craft jokes about you. You’re literally giving me material rightnow. I could kill with jokes about my ex-wife throwing out suggestions so I won’t put her in my stand-up anymore.”
I laughed. “Fine. Do it. But it’s your last joke about me.”
“Really?” He looked so hopeful.
“Yeah. I have one last suggestion, though. It’s not about stand-up. Call and talk to Piper regularly. Let her tell you about her day.”
He looked up at me. “When? What’s the best time to call?”
“Between five-thirty and seven on weekdays. Or anytime Sunday.”
“Okay. I’ll do that.”
We walked back into the restaurant together, and when we sat back down, Rob kept his arm off my chair and reassured Piper that we were fine.
“You were gone a long time,” she said. “Like five minutes.”
