7
________
Melissa
Natalya came over on Sunday night to help me plan Granny’s next few adventures. Sometimes our brainstorming sessions just meant we watched several episodes of Investigation Miami, which was a truly dumb show that redeemed itself only by its entertaining plots and overabundance of eye candy. I could watch the super-hot Officer Florez shine his flashlight around old, abandoned buildings all day.
When Natalya asked about my week, I purposely didn’t mention the little concert at Connor’s place. Natalya didn’t need more ammunition for her utter hatred of the guy, and I had a hunch his weird behavior toward me had more to do with my best friend than it did with me.
Natalya was the most loveable person I’d ever known. Loyal, steady, and go-with-the-flow. Except when it came to men. Her dating track record in the two years I’d known her was not stellar. Despite being the most beautiful and sweet woman a guy could ask for, things always ended badly. Mementos were burned in effigy, the guys names were never to be mentioned again, and there was crying. Lots of crying.
But because she was my best friend, and Connor had already proved what a jerk he was, I had to err on the side of believing her when she said he’d done her wrong.
“Okay, I’m thinking like a super spy. What if I left a keycard in a safety deposit box for you and Granny to find?” Natalya suggested.
“We did that already, remember? Except it was an invisible ink pen and notepad. That was fun.”
“Right.” Natalya tapped her chin with her pen. “Okay, this might be a little out there, but what if someone’s chickens suddenly went missing?”
“I can’t do the Bigfoot thing again, Nat. Granny’s walker doesn’t do well in the woods.”
She laughed. “Okay, what if—?” She cut off abruptly, and her eyes went to a spot behind me on the wall. And then she began screaming. A lot.
I scrambled to my feet and turned to see a wolf spider on steroids hanging out next to my light switch. It was so big it had to be part tarantula. Maybe a tarantula and a wolf spider had a forbidden love affair and this was the result.
“Kill it now!” Natalya shrieked.
Sarge lifted his head and howled in protest at all the noise. Buster turned in circles and then peed on the linoleum. He still had trouble sometimes when he got overexcited.
“Nat, stop. You’re scaring the dogs.”
Natalya picked up her heavy wedge sandal before I could stop her and chucked it at the wall. The spider moved two inches, causing Natalya to take up screaming again. Now I had a small dent, a very skittish spider, a wet spot to clean up, and two freaked out dogs barking.
“You have to stop screaming,” I demanded. “You’ll bring Connor over here.”
That stopped her. Natalya let out a shuddering breath. “He won’t come because he’s a coward and a deserter.” But she still glanced at the door, looking worried.
“I’ll get the spider. You stay over there.” I grabbed a plastic cup off the counter and took slow and easy steps over to the wall. I didn’t want the thing making a break for the ceiling.
“Why do you have a cup?” Natalya asked slowly, as if I were juggling hand grenades and needed to be talked out of it.
“Because I’m taking him outside.”
“Him?”
“Wolf spiders don’t bite. Usually. And they’re not venomous. He can go live out in my yard and eat crickets.”
“What if it’s a recluse? Those can kill you.”
“He’s too hairy to be a recluse spider.”
“Do you even hear yourself?”
I did. And it wasn’t like I was always a defender of pests. I just didn’t like squishing things. And I appreciated a creature who was calm under pressure. Wolf spiders retreated when confronted. I could respect that.
I scraped the cup against the wall until Mr. Spider dropped into it, and then I headed for the door. I was so intent on watching the spider in the cup that I didn’t notice Connor standing on my porch when I opened the door. It startled me just enough to make the cup in my hands jump, enough to launch a spider right onto his chest.
8
