“Melissa, let an old woman have a little fun in life. Honestly!” And then she smiled and told me to turn on the T.V. so we could watch the news together.
18
________
Connor
My life was so dull without Melissa in it. Work was a good distraction during the day. I had new patients I was working to build a rapport with, and a new team at the office helping me learn the ropes.
But I had no one to talk to about it at the end of the day. Rob was usually playing the bongos while I made dinner for myself, by myself. Watching T.V. alone in my room only reinforced how much I missed hanging out with Melissa. It wasn’t that I didn’t have other friends, but I didn’t ache to be with them the way that I ached to be with her.
But obviously, she didn’t feel the same way. And I was too much of a chicken to make sure I was right about that.
Rob’s shadow in my doorway pulled me from my T.V. trance. What was I watching? Oh, yeah, an infomercial for a rotisserie grill. If the grill came with a chef to make all the food, I was so in.
“What’s up, Rob?”
“I think you should check on our neighbor.”
“Melissa?” My voice cracked on her name, and I cleared my throat. It probably wasn’t her. We had lots of neighbors.
“Yeah, Melissa. The bongo hater. She was sitting in the middle of the yard, getting tagged in the back of the head with the sprinkler, over and over again. Like a zombie. It was freaking me out. Maybe take a baseball bat with you.”
“You want me to show up at her door with a baseball bat?”
Rob considered this for several seconds. “Well, I would.”
“When was this?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Like, at five-thirty? I watched until I got a phone call, and when I came back to the window she was gone.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it.” My fear of showing up uninvited was a lot stronger now that I knew what I had to lose if she didn’t want me there. But my worry for her outweighed my fears, so I got up and slid on a pair of shoes.
“That was some fast thinking,” Rob called out to me as I headed out the door. Without a baseball bat, I might add.
I could see Melissa’s car wasn’t there, but I still knocked on her door just to make sure. Sarge and Buster barked at me, but there was no answer. This was stupid. She was probably fine. What did Rob know, anyway? It was a hot day today. Maybe she’d just wanted to cool off. She was fine without me.
I sighed and turned to slide down and sit on her doormat. It wasn’t like I could get more unhappy than I already was. Not by talking to her and seeing if she was okay.
Sitting in the growing dark with just the sound of lazy crickets and an occasional hoot of an owl gave me some time to think. I’d been so concerned about my own happiness that I hadn’t bothered to worry about what made Melissa happy.
Here she was, taking care of Granny and Damien’s dogs. Not with resentment, but with fierce love. And I'd asked her to risk all that for me. What had I offered her besides the pleasure of my company? Who was the person taking care of Melissa while she was taking care of everything else? Who was looking out for her interests? Fiercely lovingher?
I wanted it to be me. And I hadn’t told her that. I dropped my head in my hands, letting the guilt wash over me. The guilt felt good, necessary and useful, like the way my body reacted after a hard workout. Apparently, my conscience had been overdue for a good workout, too.
I thought about all the things I might say to her, but when the light from Melissa’s headlights hit me ten minutes later as she turned into the carport, my stomach gave a kick of fear.
“Hey,” I called out when she started walking up. I didn’t want to scare her to death.
“Connor?”
I stood when she approached, feeling dumb for waiting on her doorstep when I could have just watched for her from my house.
“Wanna come in?” she asked.
“Yeah, that’d be great.” I moved aside for her to unlock the door. She flipped on the porch light and nudged Buster and Sarge out of the way so I could squeeze inside before getting mauled.
I bent down and rubbed Sarge’s big ol’ head. “Hey guy, I’ve missed you this week.” I hadn’t considered how Melissa might take that until I looked up and saw her watching us. Had she missed me, too?
