I couldn’t take it anymore. The not talking about it. The not knowing.
“Was that a letter from Damien?”
She froze. “Yes. I don’t write him back and I haven’t opened one in months. He sends Granny’s letters to me, too. Like he’s afraid I wouldn’t go see her unless he gave me a reason.”
“You should tell Granny the truth.”
“No.” Her answer was immediate and firm, and I almost backed off. But I had to know why.
“She can take it.”
“She can’t. He’s all she has. Her son pays for her care, but he won’t visit. No one will visit. It’s just me and Damien’s letters. If I tell her, she won’t even have that.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe she’d write and talk some sense into him.”
Melissa whirled on me. “And then what? He comes home and takes his dogs back? I like my life the way it is. I don’t want him to know I know. I don’t want anything to change. Yeah, my life is hard, but it’smyhard. It’s manageable.” She stared at me, looking ashamed, but also determined.
“You won’t even change it to include me?”
The pause after was like a bullet to my heart.
“Not right now.”
But what she meant was no, she wouldn’t change it. I took in a deep breath. I needed to leave. This felt final, and I wasn’t ready to beg when Melissa couldn’t even see what I was asking for. “I should go home and get some things done. I’ll see you later.”
She followed me to the door. “Connor, wait.”
I turned to look at her, but after several painful seconds, it was obvious she didn’t have anything to offer me except her regret, the kind of regret that came with wishing we could keep things just the way they were. So I left.
17
________
Melissa
The grass was nice and thick now. Thick enough for me to sit on it while the sprinkler soaked me. This was usually the time Connor came over and made dinner with me, but we hadn’t done that in a week, and I couldn’t go inside and face that yet. I’d been sitting here for ten minutes, trying to figure out how to fix the mess that was my life while a sprinkler pegged me in the back of the head. Buster and Sarge watched me from the other side of the lawn, their expressions not necessarily judgmental, but a little concerned. Some women eat cookies when they’re sad. Me? I was okay with staying right here until I felt better.
What exactly was I supposed to say to Granny? I didn’t have proof Damien wasn’t in the witness protection program. I could hire an investigator, I supposed. Get photographic evidence. But I didn’t have the money for that, nor did I have money to take Damien to court if he decided to come back and take his dogs.
Of course, he could do that whether I kept up his lie or not. He could stop writing Granny at any point, for any reason. I had been loyal to him in every way possible, both when we were together, and every moment since. Mostly out of fear.
And the one guy who had deserved my loyalty? I’d ditched him at the first sign of pushback. Connor was probably watching me out his window and patting himself on the back that he’d dodged this bullet.
My neighbor across the street came outside to move her garbage can. I waved, letting her know I was fine. I was so not fine.
“Everything okay?” she called out.
“Yep. Just cooling off.” I jumped to my feet, finally motivated to move by sheer embarrassment. I couldn’t stay in limbo anymore. Not in this yard, not in life.
After getting the dogs fed and taking a quick shower, I called up Natalya first. She’d been a casualty of all the things I’d been avoiding lately, and I owed her an apology.
“Melissa?”
She sounded so surprised to hear from me that I burst into tears.
“I’ve been a bad friend.”
“You have. But I figured something big was going on, and when you were ready, you’d tell me about it.”
