“We’re finding themuncharted treasures. Once in a lifetime trips they’ll never stop talking about. These are carefully curated experiences for the discerning explorer.” BS was just rolling out of my mouth. I wasn’t a marketing major for nothing. “The day of a trip isn’t the time to plan. It’s the time to enjoy the fruits of your travel agent’s labor.”
“Alright. Sold. You can shut up now. I’m just glad you’ll be paying rent.”
“Of course I’ll be paying rent.” I had a pretty big rainy day fund, actually. I just didn’t want to dip into it unless I absolutely had to. “Hey, I’m almost home. See you in a minute.” I took my exit and turned into our apartment complex at the next corner.
I was lucky my brother even still needed a roommate. He hadn’t replaced me when I’d left. I wondered if Jenny had a new roommate, what with Lauren getting married and all. I’d have to ask her about it on Monday. I’d put it on my list of safe topics of conversation, along with interesting cloud shapes and our favorite colors. I could pretend I didn’t know hers was robin’s-egg blue. I rubbed my head. Disaster. Tonight had been a disaster. Moving back here had been a disaster. Maybe I couldn’t fix this after all. Maybe tonight was just me blowing up the last remnants of a bridge I’d already burned.
Do you even know why I stayed in carpool?Jenny’s last question echoed in my head, reminding me how hard it would be to gain her trust again. Ihadknown about her crush on me, but I’d thought our friendship was strong enough that I could stretch it a little, that I could use her crush on me to get at her boss and make him jealous enough to do something stupid.
Chandler Howard hadn’t been blatant in his sexual harassment of the women in his office, but it was bad enough that HR didn’t want to wait for someone to come forward. They’d wanted a clear-cut way to get rid of him, and they wanted it to be discreet. So, they’d come to me.
In the beginning, I’d felt like this corporate hero. I did everything they suggested, and it worked. Sometimes I wished it hadn’t. I wasn’t sorry Jenny’s boss got fired. And I really wasn’t sorry Jenny got to replace him. No one else deserved to be a team leader more than she did. But the way I went about it?
The transfer to California and the cushy promotion Connecting Hearts gave me for helping them out had felt like a bribe. All I had to do in return was stay quiet and lose contact with everyone involved. The only problem was, I no longer wanted that. I wanted Jenny, and I’d discovered it too late.
If I told her everything I’d done, she’d never talk to me again. But if I didn’t tell her? I’d never be able to live with myself. More importantly, I wouldn’t deserve her. Either way, I was going to lose her, and yet I didn’t see another path.
I put the van in park and lowered my head until it touched the top of my steering wheel. I wasn’t a martyr. Not really. I wasn’t here to throw myself on the sword of truth or justice. I was here because deep down, I still hoped Jenny and I had a future together.
In the past, whenever I had a problem that seemed overwhelming, I would set a plan of simple steps in motion and follow them without dwelling on the impossibility of the plan succeeding. The not-dwelling part wasn’t going so well, but I did have steps and I was already following them—quitting, finding a job next to Jenny, rejoining carpool. Check, check, check. Could you create a plan for love?
Yes. I was going with a resounding yes.
Chapter 4–Jenny
I ditched my heels the second I walked into my apartment, but the relief at being home was only momentary. It smelled funny in here.
I’d expected that. Every human has a scent that hangs out on their clothes and furniture. With a new roommate, it would take time for hers to blend with mine. But this odor had notes of left-out food, dirty socks, and sickly-sweet scented candles. Clarissa had moved her stuff in this morning while I was getting ready for the wedding. What would the place smell like after a week?
My eyes zeroed in on the two jarred candles burning merrily on the kitchen counter. I was so not a candle person. I wouldn’t call it a phobia, but the sight of unattended candles made me extremely nervous. I would have made a very bad pioneer.
“Clarissa?” I called, looking for the fluffy blonde head of my roommate.
“Down here.”
I walked towards her voice at the end of the hallway and stopped short. She was making what looked like a moving box border wall, which stretched from her bedroom into the bathroom. It was taller than my head.
“What’s this?” I asked in a friendly voice, like I had come across her baking cupcakes and not blocking the access to our one bathroom.
She peeked over the boxes and beamed at me. “So, as I mentioned before, I sometimes sleepwalk. This is so I only sleepwalk directly into the bathroom and pee there.”
Peeing in the right place was good. Problem-solving was good. I’d look on the bright side until I blinded myself. “Um, how do I get into the bathroom?”
She laughed. “It’s not like it’s a fortress. You’ll just push this last stack aside.” She demonstrated by sliding the end of the box wall out of the way where it met the bathroom doorway. “Ta da! And don’t worry. This is just a precaution. I only sleepwalk when I’m stressed, and right now I feel no stress at all, even though it’s Valentine’s Day and my boyfriend decided to break up with me this week.” She closed her eyes and took in a deep, cleansing breath before letting it out again. “I’m not going to think about him anymore. He’s bad energy, and I’m only allowing good energy in my life. Those lavender candles really help keep my thoughts in check. I just focus on their relaxing scent, and it’s amazing what I can block out.”
So, the candles would be staying, along with the migraine starting to form in my head. Good to know.
“Awesome. We’ll just want to make sure to blow the candles out before bed. Safety first.” I put my finger up like a junior camper or something. In my worry about sounding judgmental, I’d gone perky.
Fortunately, Clarissa didn’t seem fazed. “Of course. I’ll make sure and do that.” She opened a box and peered inside before walking into her room and coming out moments later with a red Betty Crocker cookbook. She placed it inside the box before closing it back up. Extra weight for the wall? Good Betty Crocker vibes? I wasn’t going to ask.
“How was the wedding?”
“Oh, it was…” My mind grasped for the right words, but they eluded me. Maybe because I didn’t want to confide in Clarissa about anything. Not about recently being dumped, too, or going tonight with Noah, or how radiant Lauren looked, or how much I’d miss her as my roommate. “The wedding was beautiful. But I’m pretty tired. I’m just gonna get ready for bed.” I couldn’t imagine sleep now, but retreat sounded pretty good.
After I hung up the pink bridesmaid dress I’d never wear again but wouldn’t be able to bring myself to get rid of, I pulled on fuzzy socks and sweatpants, and paired them with my favorite oversized t-shirt with the stretched out neck. Dressing for success, that’s what I was doing. Well, if success meant being unconscious for the next seven hours.
Maneuvering into the bathroom was awkward, despite Clarissa’s upbeat spin on it. I brushed my teeth quickly and washed off my makeup before taking all my toiletries back with me. I didn’t want to leave them in the bathroom. Because…. no, I wouldn’t dwell on what those reasons were because my imagination was a runaway train with an endless supply of coal, or steam, or whatever ran train engines these days.
