From the kitchen, the enthusiastic opening strains of Andy William’s “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” just about blew Tara’s ears off and she knew what that meant. It was time to bake something. The neighbors would be thrilled. Aunt Sandy didn’t believe in making single batches of anything. No doubt Tara would be recruited into delivering holiday cheer on decorative plates.
She got up and walked down the hall. One peek around the corner told Tara that yes, Aunt Sandy was pulling out flour and sugar, and all the while using a wooden spoon as a microphone for her enthusiastic singing.
It was all in an attempt to cheer Tara up, and she closed her eyes and breathed deep, knowing cheer was a two-way street. Tara didn’t want to fake happiness. She wanted to feel it. But her stomach still churned with flashbacks of that nightmare of a week, sending back wedding presents, accepting Derek’s endless apologies and his offer to divvy up wedding costs with her parents, the cycle of crying before putting on a brave face around everyone else’s pitying ones.
It wasn’t really Luke’s fault, even though he somehow felt responsible for his advice back then. But she wasn’t ready to console him over his guilt any more than she was ready to pretend it didn’t hurt to hear about it.
“Tara! Get your cute patoot in here! You don’t even have to be happy about it. Come cry into the cookie batter. My recipe calls for tears of a virgin anyway.”
Tara stalked out, crossing her arms. “It does not.”
“I’m writing it in the margins as our secret ingredient.” Aunt Sandy pulled out a pencil from behind her ear, and bent over her aging recipe book to add it in. The old bat.
Tara never should have told Aunt Sandy about her and Derek’s pledge to wait until their wedding night. He really had been sweet in a lot of ways.
But I don’t miss him.
The realization made her gasp. She missed what might have been, but not the man he was now. She didn’t want him back. Was it true? She paused, making sure the feeling stuck, like her old feelings for Derek might creep up and attack from behind. Nothing creeped. No doubts whispered in her ear. She felt… relieved. It didn’t mean she was ready to call Luke like everything was fine and dandy. Far from it. But any progress at this point was a good thing.
“Here’s your spoon,” Aunt Sandy said, handing over a matching wooden one as a new song came on. “Sing, darling.”
***
Luke dribbled a basketball in front of his kitchen window, watching the snow fall outside. For once, he didn’t feel like cooking. He didn’t feel like doing anything, really. Usually, the fact that he could play basketball in his kitchen and didn’t have to answer to anybody made him feel free, but tonight, it just made him lonely.
Tara wasn’t answering her phone and he was too chicken to try again. If and when she was ready to talk, she’d reach out. It was the if part that was killing him. What if she didn’t want to? What if she never wanted to see him again? He wouldn’t blame her. It was stupid to think it might have worked despite who they were.
His doorbell rang and he froze, keeping the basketball between his palms and pressing into the grooves with his fingers. He walked quietly to the door, knowing which angle to approach so that he could see out the side window without revealing himself. Not that he was in the habit of avoiding people, but when someone showed up unannounced you needed to know what you were dealing with.
A few steps closer and he realized it was Derek and Jody at his door, holding hands and talking, probably about him.
He put the basketball in the cubby in the entryway and opened the door. “Hey, you two. Come in, it’s cold.”
Jody stepped in first, dragging Derek along behind her. It was obvious who had instigated this visit.
“We owe you an apology,” Jody said. She looked around his living room before moving to the couch and making herself comfortable. Derek sat down next to her, thigh to thigh and laced his fingers with hers. The two of them were inseparable, but that was what came from almost losing each other, Luke supposed. What might have been seemed to hover over all of them.
“Jody doesn’t owe you an apology. I do.” Derek sighed. “You could have given me some notice, man.”
“That was our first date.” Luke wished he was still holding the basketball. It would have given his nervous hands something to do. “I kept running into her and we exchanged numbers, and I talked her into a date.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation. I was wrong to react the way I did. I just… It’s weird, don’t you think? You spend months avoiding ever meeting her. You were just going to show up at my wedding sight unseen.”
“I was wrong about her.” The words tumbled out and Luke waved his hands to better explain. “Not wrong about the fact that you and Jody needed to work things out, but I was wrong to think Tara was just some random girl you found. Far from it.”
“You like her.” Jody looked pleased.
“Of course I like her. Why else would a guy be at an ice-skating rink?”
Derek laughed. “So true. Sorry, babe.” His face grew serious. “Does Tara know you were against me marrying her?”
“She does now. I threw it all out there tonight after we left. She took it about how I expected.”
“So that’s it?” Derek scrubbed his hands over his face. “I was just getting used to the idea of the two of you. I can actually see it. You’re both… goofy.”
“Thank you, I guess. But I’m thinking my chances of her talking to me again are somewhere between not gonna happen and never. It’s only what I deserve.”
There was a long pause, a moment of silence while they joined him in feeling bummed out. He didn’t know whether to invite them to stay and watch a movie or to hope they’d leave him to his misery.
