Rebecca smiled. The side of Jay she missed was not dead, he just apparently reserved it for Bridger now.
“And what do you like to do with your mom?”
Bridger poked at a cracker. “She doesn’t like to go outside with me. But we play games or cook things together if she’s not too tired. She’s tired a lot.”
Rebecca looked up and saw Shannon standing in the kitchen doorway. Her face held complete devastation, and Rebecca suddenly felt like an intruder who got caught weaseling out personal information she had no claim to. This was not her family and she had no right to pry. She pushed her chair out and stood, walking out of the kitchen so Shannon could have some time with Bridger and Rebecca could … she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do now. She rounded the corner and ran straight into Jay.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. He steadied her with his hands on her arms, but he came to himself and immediately released her. She wished she could restart today. That there was no meddling Clarissa, no Felicity, no rebound confusing overtures she didn’t know what to do with. She wished she hadn’t asked so many questions, that she didn’t sense sadness and loneliness in others because she was so familiar with it herself.
“I should go.”
She headed for the door and pulled it open before realizing her car wasn’t there. Her face grew hot as she turned around to look at Jay, but he didn’t laugh at her.
“I’ll drive you back to your car.” He pulled on his jacket and took his car keys from his pocket.
Now that they’d found Bridger, there wasn’t a common goal to keep the tension between them at bay. The drive to the office was quiet, both of them seemingly lost in their thoughts.
When they reached the office parking lot, Jay got her door and then walked with her over to her car, the only one there. Everyone else had already left for the day. “Thanks for your help, Becca. I wouldn’t have found him as quickly without you.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know about that. I’m just happy you found him.”
“Me too.” He continued to stare at her with admiration, and it made her feel worse. She hoped Bridger and Heidi would be okay, that she hadn’t made things worse for a single mom trying to do her best.
Rebecca drove home and headed straight for the freezer, inspecting her collection of frozen dinners and picking one out. She was too tired to cook. Four minutes later, she sat down to eat with her headphones on so she wouldn’t hear the heavy thuds of feet pounding back and forth overhead.
***
Shannon mopped the kitchen floor with such ferocity, Jay was afraid to interrupt. Something had happened right before Rebecca left, but obviously, neither party wanted to talk about it. Rebecca had practically squirmed under his praise.
He checked on Bridger who was watching TV in the den. After back-to-back lectures and having to clean his room, which always took him three times longer than it should, everyone needed a break from each other.
Jay did not want to be alone with his thoughts right now. Dang him, he wanted Rebecca. He’d bossed her around, ignored her, taken her presence at work for granted, and to top it all off, made unreciprocated moves on her, and she still stood by him. She was a true friend, and yet it still wasn’t enough.
He’d promised Marlise nothing was going on and nothing would, but, oh, how he didn’t want it to be true. He was more in love with Rebecca today than he’d ever been in college. Back then, she hadn’t had this grit, the kind that kept him in check when he needed it.
No solutions came to him because there were none. He was stuck in the same rut as ten years ago. In love with his best friend and not sure how to win her over.
Shannon sniffled loudly and the mop clattered as it hit the floor. Jay ran in and took his crumpled sister into his arms. “Everything’s okay. He’s home.”
She shook her head. “He went to that kid’s house today because I’m too tired to play with him after school.”
Jay bent down so she’d look at him. “Of course you’re tired. You get up at four every morning and go to work. I know you don’t want him to have to go to some after-school program, but maybe he’s reached an age where he’d be just as happy there. We could find a really good one. It would give you a chance to take a nap after work before you go pick him up.”
She automatically shook her head but didn’t seem as violently against it as she usually was.
“Think about it, okay? And who says he did this because you’re too tired to play with him? He told me the kid begged him to come to his house so they could ride scooters together. He planned to call and tell you, but he couldn’t remember the number.”
“We should tattoo it on his forehead.”
Jay smiled. “Definitely.”
Shannon ran her hands up and down a strand of her hair, one of her nervous habits. “The work friend of yours, I heard her talking to Bridger about it. He told her all the fun things you and Bridger do together, but I just make him stay inside.”
Ah, so that’s what this was all about. “Shannon, you’re a good mom. It’s not your fault this happened. And I hate to tell you this, but, Bridger will make bigger mistakes than this, and those won’t be your fault either. Now, why don’t we turn off the TV and bring him in here, because technically he should be grounded from TV for the rest of his life.”
He finally got a smile out of her. “Jay,” she said with a bit of curiosity. “The gal who was here, she looked familiar. Is she the same one from college? The one you were so obviously in love with?”
He hadn’t even given Shannon a name to go with the face. How had she remembered Rebecca? He looked out the window, though it was so dark outside there wasn’t anything to see.
