Prologue
Rebecca heard Jay’s car before it rounded the corner. The engine sounded like a souped-up lawnmower and it backfired once, causing the dogs in the neighborhood to start up another barking war. Last week, when the same thing happened, Mrs. Anthony came out to yell at him about the racket. But Jay charmed her instantly, apologizing for his poor car, taking her hand and smiling in a way that disarmed the old woman’s irritable soul. She’d ended up inviting him in for cookies, reluctantly smiling at Rebecca as if she’d rather not have her tag along. Rebecca didn’t have the skills of charming people like Jay did.
Rebecca’s hands twisted in her lap, and she stared at the door, waiting for his signature knock and lopsided smile. To be with Jay was to live in the moment, to treat every day like an adventure. But she couldn’t have that anymore, not with him. She had to think about Patrick and their future together. Putting it off would only hurt Jay more, because he’d hear about it from someone else. And there was nothing to be ashamed of. She loved Patrick and she wanted to marry him.
You couldn’t be best friends with a guy forever. Eventually, you both had to grow up. No more playing tag in the supermarket, Nerf gun battles, or setting up a sidewalk dog-washing station.
The sound of Jay’s car door slamming had her peeking through the blinds. She watched him leap up the porch steps and pause to say hello to her roommate’s cat. The thing wouldn’t let Rebecca near it, but it loved Jay. Rebecca opened the door and joined him before he’d have to knock. Despite the orange fuzzy thing threading itself through Jay’s legs, he leaned in to give Rebecca a welcoming hug. That was all it took for tears to demand an exit from her eyes. She quickly plopped down on the front steps, resting her face on her fists and swallowing hard. If she cried she wouldn’t be able to get a word out.
“What’s the matter?” Jay put the cat down and sat next to her, stretching out his legs. “Long day of classes?”
“The longest,” she squeaked out. It was easier to talk about school than about ending a friendship she’d come to depend on.
“Don’t think about any of that. Let’s go veg out on the couch and watch a movie. No studying.”
She rubbed the bridge of her nose and took in a fortifying breath. “Jay, there’s something I have to tell you.”
He bumped her shoulder. “Shoot.”
Why did he have to be so cheerful all the time? And why did she have to be the one to take it away from him right now?
“Patrick doesn’t want me hanging out with you anymore. He asked me to marry him last night, and I said yes.”
“Congratulations.” He sounded like he actually meant it, but when she turned to look at him, he couldn’t disguise the hurt there. “You’re not allowed to have your own friends?”
She put her hand on his knee and squeezed. “He’s not cutting me off from friends, Jay. I know you don’t like him, but give me a little more credit than that.”
He didn’t answer, and she knew she was avoiding the real question. Why couldn’ttheybe friends?
“He’s seen us holding hands. He’s watched you carry me around on your back, and yeah, it’s platonic, but we have our own inside jokes, and he feels left out. I have to give him all of me. That’s what I want from him, too.”
Jay looked down at her hand on his knee, and she immediately withdrew it and shoved her hands together in her lap, hiding the gigantic diamond beacon on her finger announcing that things were going to change. She twisted it back and forth, trying to get used to the feel of it.
“I’m sorry, Jay.”
“Becca-bug. If you love him and he loves you, I don’t want to stand in your way.” He stood up and pulled out his keys, everything about him looking defeated and awkward, from his slumped head to his shifting feet.
He was so different than Patrick, so easy-going, not driven by any passion. Patrick would have made her listen to his earnest and logical arguments about why he was a better pick than the other guy. But not Jay. Jay just stood there and took it. She wished she could hate him for it, but there was no hating Jay. No wonder Patrick felt threatened by him.
She stood up and put her arms out for a hug, despising how he only tapped his hands on her back, like being forced to hug a stranger.
“I guess this is goodbye then.” He kissed her cheek before fleeing down the steps with his keys in hand.
She ran inside the house and shut the door, her heart pounding like it might leap out of her chest and her eyes releasing the tears she’d worked so hard to hold in. Jay had understood her in a way few people did.
She turned and watched him through the blinds as he got in his car. He turned on the engine, but he didn’t go anywhere. He just sat there, and then banged on the steering wheel before wiping his eyes. It was a side of him she’d never seen before and it felt terribly wrong to watch. She cried as she held out her ring and thought about Patrick. She’d promised him. Why did doing the right thing hurt so much?
