“Calm down, Drew,” Deeks interrupted, shifting a hand to move on top of mine and trapping it there. “Calm down.”
“Then tell me why the hell Slater looked at you that way. What is Jedd doing?”
“What he thinks is best, I imagine.”
“Yeah? Like Pete did? Like Harry, too?” I pressed. “Well, fuck that. I’m not losing any more of my men, do you understand me?”
Neither one of them answered, and I yanked my hand out from under Deeks’ and looked up at all the men standing in Rusty’s diner.
“DoALLof you understand me? Are you fucking listening? Can you hear the words coming out of my mouth? I am your president. I run this show. I make the final decisions whether there’s a gavel in my goddamn hand or not, and I am telling each and every one of you here who thinks their life is worth less than mine… it isn’t. Cut that shit out, and if I find out any of you are trying to save me by hurting themselves, I’ll fucking kill you myself. It’s my job to protect you.Mine.I’ve lost too many brothers to bear any more grief, and I cannot, will not—I fucking refuse to have this conversation. If anyone is going to die for this club, it’s going to me.” I let my raging eyes drift down to Ayda. “I’ll fall before this club does. It’s what I wasborn to do. It’s who I was born to be.”
Ayda didn’t say anything. Her hand tightened around my leg, but it was the only indication at all that she’d felt the words and the weight behind them.
She was letting me be who I needed to be.
My brothers had been around from the beginning, through the worst, and they’d be there come rain or shine because they took the honor of their patches seriously. No part of me wanted to consider a future where I’d have to make the call, but it was part of the job.
Turning back to the men, I took in a deep, steady breath and released it with just as much control.
“Now, I’m going to ask this one last time: does anyone in this diner know what the hell my VP is planning while he sits in that shitty little cell all alone?”
