Dropping his cut into a chair, he didn’t take much care with the rest of his clothes and shed them on his way to the bathroom. I pushed myself to sit in the middle of the mattress and listened to the shower come on. The sound of water beating down was hypnotic and almost lulled me to sleep several times before it cut off again.
I listened as Drew made his way through his usual routine and soon appeared at the door of the bathroom, one of the fluffy white towels I’d bought for us wrapped low on his hips as droplets of water clung to his skin, unwilling to give up their only moments with him.
“I really wish I had more energy right now. I’d have climbed in that shower with you.” I sighed dreamily.
Running a palm up the back of his head, Drew shook more water out of his hair with a rough hand, and he made his way to the bed, climbing onto it from the bottom before he crawled up and over my body, landing carefully beside me so he didn’t hurt my already aching body. His skin was still damp, but the coolness of it was drowned out by the heat of Drew being Drew, and him pressing against me like he wanted to hold me tightly.
Propping himself up on one shoulder to give me the space he knew my body needed, he let his gaze drift from head to toe, taking in the many layers of clothes I didn’t usually wear for bed. His free hand drifted over them, his nails trailing tenderly over my thigh before he flattened his palm over my waist, across my ribs, and back down to rest on my stomach. Once there, his eyes fixated on it, and a small scowl took over his handsome face.
“I can’t remember how it was when I had to do this life alone, without you there at the end of the day to make me believe life was different. That it wasn’t always so fucked up.”
I swallowed my irrational emotions brought on by fatigue and tried to remember how to breathe. “I’m not sure I existed before you.”
“Funny how you feel so alive when surrounded by so much death, isn’t it?”
“It’s not death that makes me feel alive. It’s you. You and the love I have for you.” I searched his face for the longest moment. “You do realize I would follow you into Hell, don’t you?”
“You already have… so many times. Some days I have to pinch myself to see that you’re still here. Thank God you’re still here,” he blew out in a heavy breath. “But, Ayda, I can’t take seeing you this way ever again. I can’t. The bruises, the pain you’re trying to hide… seeing some guy holding a gun to your head, mistreating you and marking your body.” Drew shook his head softly. “I can’t do it anymore, darlin’. This is the last time. It has to be. It’s killing me. Holding it together right now is killing me. Seeing you this waykillsme.”
I ran my palms over the stubble on his jaw, never breaking the eye contact. “It will all go away. The pain I can handle. The bruises will fade, and everything will go back to the way it was. I’m not made of glass, Drew.” I felt him tense beneath my touch, and I continued before he could argue. “But this wasalso a really unique situation that no one could have predicted. No one will get that close again. You won’t allow it, and neither will our family. We’ve cut the disease out. The rot is gone.”
“Everything will go back to the way it was, huh?” His thumb pressed down on my stomach, and his gaze drifted there, eyes thoughtful and his soft sigh somewhat dreamy. “Maybe not everything.”
“A few minor changes along the way are inevitable.”
I glanced down to my stomach and felt the flutter of emotion rising. I still wasn’t sure whether or not there was a baby growing inside of me. Not for sure, but whether right or wrong, I was beginning to realize that I was hoping there was.
“What are your thoughts on all of this?”
“I think I’m scared,” he answered without hesitation in the most un-Drew-like fashion while he stared at his hand. “I think I’m excited, too, but mainly scared. It feels like… fuck, I don’t know. Like I’m still a child myself, barely keeping my head above water and with not enough arms to keep everyone I love afloat.” Drew’s head slowly rolled my way, his eyes finding mine. “And I’m scared to love something else the way I love you.”
I think I stopped breathing.
Lost in the intricate blue-green of his eyes, I floated somewhere between reality and fantasy as the words slowly seeped below the surface of my brain and settled over me.
He was hoping, too.
Even after all the shit that had gone down, and all the hell that we were about to face together, I felt happy. I felt loved.
I couldn’t form the words, though. Not the ones filled with hope and promises of a future that was so uncertain at that moment. Instead, I kissed him, pouring all of the things I couldn’t say into the passion that was always present between us. My hands fisted his thick, damp hair, pleading with him viatouch to understand what I wanted to say. No one would know as much love as our baby would—not another living soul.
“I feel so much more than love for you,” I whispered against his mouth.
“Open your eyes.”
I did as he asked, allowing a tear to escape.
Drew lifted his hand and wiped away the tear with his thumb, brushing it away on the towel still wrapped around him before he placed his hand back on my stomach. “I’m going to say something now, Ayda, and I need to say it while I’m feeling this way, and I’m going to need to you to listen to me. I’m going to need you to let the words sink in without telling me I’m being stupid. Is that okay?”
I searched his eyes, but nodded anyway, despite there being no hint of what he was trying to say.
“Babylon is our home. I belong here, so do you, but this isn’t just a place for us to live anymore. It holds a lot of… history.” He exhaled through his flared nostrils, looking away like he was nervous before clearing his throat and scowling, a pain deeper than physical creasing the beautiful features of his face. “If you are pregnant. If by some miracle I’ve been graced with a boy or a girl, a son or a daughter, twins, triplets, whatever… I need you to make me a promise that you’ll see through to your dying day.”
More tears fell from the corners of my eyes as the weight of his words hung between us.
I hated it when he asked me to make a promise before he told me what it was.
I would give him anything he wanted, he already knew that, but some promises? Some were impossible to keep, and I hoped this wasn’t one of them.
