“You should be,” I murmured, and his eyes flicked to mine, golden and shining, as if he’d figured out that he wasn’t quite as forgiven as I was letting on.
I locked the door then led him up the stairs, never letting go of his hand, because as much as I wanted to hate him, as much as I wanted to hurt him, Tristan had shown up for me this week. He’d shown up for me since the first time we spoke.
I wanted to forgive him.
I wanted him back.
But I couldn’t take Cole, and they were a package deal.
When we reached my room, Tristan pressed me against the hallway wall, devouring me, our lips and tongues sliding together as we reconnected, famished, needy, fucking together again.
Cole leaned against the wall beside us, his blue eyes gleaming in the faint light. Watching, as commanded, but not touching. I wanted to reach out to him so fucking bad, wanted to heal the ache in my heart with his touch. But not as bad as I wanted to hurt him like he’d hurt me.
When Tristan finally pulled back, he smiled and nuzzled my nose with his. The tender gesture nearly broke my resolve, but I caught sight of Cole’s clenched jaw and remembered why we were here.Punishment.
Once in my room, I turned to face them both. Power thrummed through me, intoxicating and foreign. “Strip, Tristan.”
Cole’s sharp intake of breath filled the silence as Tristan obeyed. My mouth went dry at the sight of him—deep brown skin stretched over hard muscle, a faint trail of curls disappearing beneath his jeans.
“All of it,” I whispered.
When Tristan stood before me completely bare, cock already hard, precum beading at the tip, his piercings gleaming when the light caught them, I finally turned my attention to Cole. “Sit.”
“Eva—”
“Not. One. Fucking. Word.”
Tristan lifted my sweatshirt then moaned his appreciation as his hands encountered the bare skin of my hips. “So fucking gorgeous,” he murmured as he slid his hands up my sides to settle on my back so he could draw me to him and just fucking hold me.
I relaxed into his arms, leaning my cheek against his bare chest and inhaling his scent, relishing the warmth of his comfort. Tristan didn’t have a mean bone in his body.
Fuck.
I’d be as shitty and manipulative as they were if I went through with this. And I couldn’t bear that, couldn’t bear another stain on my soul. I already had so much to atone for.
I swallowed then did the right thing, even though it tore me in two.
“Stop,” I whispered, and Tristan immediately stepped away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, nothing but tenderness in his eyes. Yeah, using him was a shit move. Giving him hope was a shit move too. Giving myself hope was even shittier. Did I really think I’d be able to fuck Tristan and not hand him my heart again?
I looked at Cole, sitting in a plastic chair beside my flimsy desk, pretending like he didn’t care, but with every muscle in his body tensed like a predator waiting to spring, a visible bulge straining against his sweatpants.
“I’m sorry,” I said, embarrassed and ashamed of myself. “I wanted to hurt him. But?—”
“But you’re not ready to forgive me,” Tristan finished my sentence for me. “You don’t want to use me.”
I shook my head, flushing with discomfort.
He slid a finger under my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. “You’re so fucking good, Eva,” he said, his voice soft with wonder. He paused for a long moment, and I waited for him to step away. Instead, he took a deep breath and said, “I want this.”
I shook my head. I didn’t like what doing this said aboutme as a person. I couldn’t fuck him and discard him, even if he deserved it.
“Use me, Eva,” he growled, not allowing me to look away. His mouth found the sensitive spot behind my ear. “I’m going to repeat this until you believe it. I’ll take whatever I can get of you, however I can get it.” I moaned as he nibbled on my neck then pulled back. “You don’t have to forgive me tonight,” he whispered against my skin. “I swear, you can go back to hating me in the morning. You can hate me now too. Just let me have you, I’m begging.”
I searched his eyes, hunting for the lie. “You mean it.”
“Let me prove it,” he murmured, pulling me close so he could kiss my forehead. I melted as he held me, refusing to look at Cole’s intense stare just behind Tristan. “Let me show him what he can’t have, what he’s lost. Please.”
