‘Sorry,’ he muttered. ‘I just thought maybe you were upset about all this because you didn’t want to tell a husband or something.’
She took a steadying breath. ‘No, I’m not married and there’s no one I need to hide this from.’Except Poppy. Was she going to hide Poppy from him? It had been her first reaction, and it would save a lot of unnecessary heartache, but deep down, she knew that she could never feel right living a lie. It would eat her alive.
And what would happen when Poppy was older and wanted to know the truth about her father? She’d been preparing what she’d tell her since before she was even born, planning to be as honest as possible while secretly hoping the conversation wouldn’t have to happen until she was a bit older so she could maybe use it as a cautionary tale about whatnot to do… although she suspected it had the potential to backfire. She’d had a friend at uni who told her how her mother had warned her not to smoke for as long as she could remember, and still she went ahead and did it.
Kenzie didn’t even want to think about her daughter being old enough to make mistakes like the one Kenzie had made. However, it was one thing to tell your child that you didn’t know who her father was when you honestly didn’t know. It was another thing entirely to say it when you knew full well who he was, and even worse if you’d known for years.
She really had no choice.
‘Kenzie, I get the feeling there’s something more to this whole thing. I thought maybe you’d been in a relationship or something when we … well, back then,’ he amended quickly, ‘and maybe you felt guilty about it? But if it’s not that, is there something else?’
Oh God.
‘If it’s that you’re embarrassed by the whole thing,’ he continued, ‘I can assure you there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean, hell, I was just as drunk.’
‘It’s not any of that,’ she said, cutting him off as she braced herself. There was no easy way of easing into it: she just had to say it. He looked at her expectantly, waiting. ‘Ewan …’
His phone rang.
She could tell he was annoyed by the interruption and did his best to ignore it, until she sent him a brief smile and told him he should get it.
He sent her an apologetic grimace as he took his phone from his pocket, glancing at the screen before pressing a button. The ringing stopped. ‘Sorry. You were going to say something?’
Kenzie licked her suddenly dry lips and glanced at the counter. It was a licensed premises. ‘Please feel free to take your call. I need a drink.’
She caught him glancing at his watch before frowning. ‘I’ll get it. What will you have? Not a tequila shot, I’m guessing?’ ‘Don’t even joke about it,’ she told him dryly, but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth. ‘Just a white wine, please.’
She heard his quiet chuckle as he turned away and closed her eyes briefly, drawing the courage she needed to tell him what he needed to know.
He returned with two drinks, and she gratefully took a long sip of the cold wine.
‘I have to say, I’m a little bit worried that you needed to fortify yourself with a stiff drink,’ he said, eyeing her carefully. She was momentarily distracted by his accent—although she wouldn’t say it was strong, it was definitely still very Scottish, and she inwardly sighed. She’d never forgotten how easily she’d lost herself in that accent.
‘I never expected to see you again,’ she said as a lead-in to the most shocking news this man was ever likely to face.
He gave a nod and shrugged as he took a sip of the amber liquid in his own glass.
‘You have to understand,’ she said, holding his eyes steadily, ‘I was under the impression that you’d left the country. I couldn’t remember your name—I could barely remember my own that morning,’ she added, recalling the worst hangover of her life and that she had felt as though she were dying.
‘Aye,’ he said, watching her closely.
‘I had no way of finding you,’ she stressed.
‘Kenzie, you’re making me more than a little nervous, to be honest,’ he said, trying for a chuckle, but she could see that his expression was growing increasingly wary.
‘A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant, and I … I had a baby.’
Six
Ewan sat almost motionless except for his Adam’s apple, which was slowly moving up and down. He appeared to be struggling to digest what she’d just told him.
For a moment, she wondered if he’d heard her, then he finally managed to speak. ‘A baby?’
‘A little girl,’ she said softly. ‘Her name’s Poppy.’
‘You were … pregnant?’ he asked, still sounding confused.
‘It was a bit of a shock to me too.’Understatement.
