He looked at her for a moment, and she sensed he was weighing up his next words. She found herself holding her breath.
‘I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I want to meet her, get to know her,’ he explained, and he must have caught the sudden fear in her eye, because he nodded, clearly trying to reassure her. ‘I understand someone coming into her life is a big deal and I don’t expect you to just hand her over. I don’t know how you want to go about it. All I know is I want the chance to meet her and see what happens.’
‘Itisa big deal. It’s ahugedeal. She doesn’t understand any of this and I don’t want to introduce you as her father if you don’t plan on becoming part of her life.’ Ewan opened his mouth, but Kenzie continued firmly. ‘I know that sounds like I’m moving faster than you’re probably prepared for, but it’s something that you need to understand. I won’t have her hurt or confused. I’d rather you be someone who’s visiting, just until we can figure out how to make this work—or even if youwantto make it work. I meant it when I told you before that I don’t want anything from you. I never expected to find you. I can provide just fine for us, and she has all the family and love a child could ever want. We have everything we need.’
She saw his jaw tighten but swallowed past the uncertainty. ‘I’m just saying that if you’d rather not mess up your life, I won’t have any hard feelings towards you.’
‘I guess you don’t really have any kind of previous history to base it on,’ he said tightly, ‘but ignoring my responsibilities is not who I am.’
‘You’re right, I don’t know you. You didn’t have any responsibilities after that night. I did. And I handled them,’ she said plainly. ‘Which is why I can continue to raisemychild without your help.’
Ten
Ewan clenched his teeth at Kenzie’s words. She wasn’t blaming him necessarily, but there was no way of softening the bluntness of the statement.‘You didn’t have any responsibilities after that night.’The knowledge that she was right didn’t lessen his guilt. Hehadn’tthought about the possibility of anything resulting from that night. The next day, he’d been hungover and feeling sorry for himself.
He’d been a different person at that time. Those months of travelling and fruit-picking, partying and the occasional brawl had been the escape he’d needed to help him deal with the fallout of walking out on his father. He’d been angry at the demands his father had been throwing about, and the way it tarnished everything he’d been so excited about. Taking off to backpack with his old mates had come at the perfect time, and Ewan had run away from his problems for a while. It hadn’thurt that it had also pissed off his old man, who’d taken great pleasure in reminding him that he should be working instead of flitting about the countryside.
He had occasionally thought about the mystery girl who’d disappeared by the time he’d woken up the next morning, like some kind of modern Cinderella. Only she hadn’t left behind a glass slipper. She hadn’t left anything, not even a last name or a phone number, just a happy memory tinged with the regret that he’d never see her again.
He wondered briefly how the lost kid he was back then would have reacted to the news of Kenzie’s pregnancy. ‘I can’t go back and change what happened, but I can change how things go moving forward,’ he said. ‘I agree, for now, that Poppy doesn’t have to know who I am. It would probably be a lot for a little kid to deal with.’
‘It would. Thank you,’ she said, sounding relieved before she glanced over his shoulder. ‘Looks like they’re on their way back.’
‘I, uh, brought her a present. It’s in the car. Would it be okay to give it to her?’
Her face softened just a little. ‘Sure. If you want to get it, I’ll put the jug on, and they should be back by then.’
Ewan wiped his hands on his jeans and swore silently as he reached in for the brightly coloured gift bag on the passenger seat. His heart was pounding like a jackhammer. Who would have thought a grown man could be this anxious about meeting a four-year-old? But this wasn’t any four-year-old; this was his daughter.
On the verandah, he placed the bag on the table and took a seat, before changing his mind and moving the bag to the floor. But maybe it was better to place it where she could see it? He put it back on the table then swore softly over his dithering before snatching the bag and putting it back down beside him on the floor. This was stupid. Why the hell was he so nervous? He had two nephews, he was great with kids. It shouldn’t be this hard.
The sound of a door opening and little feet running created a fresh wave of panic. He heard two female voices talking in a low murmur before the higher pitch of a small child, followed by a giggle and an excited exclamation.
By the time Kenzie came back out to the verandah, he’d almost got himself under control … until he caught a glimpse of a tiny girl with a yellow bow tied around the end of a long brown plait that hung halfway down her back.
His heart expanded, so much so that it physically hurt. Large hazel eyes watched him curiously as she stood beside her mother, the resemblance to Kenzie was unmistakable.
‘Hello,’ she said with a shy smile. ‘Are you Mummy’s friend?’ ‘Yes,’ he said quickly. ‘I’m Ewan, and you must be Poppy.’ ‘I am!’ she said, and her smile lit up as though he’d managed to guess her name like some sideshow magician, making him smile. ‘I’m four. How old are you?’
‘Uh, well,’ he said stumbling a little over the unexpected question, ‘I’m thirty-one.’
Her eyes rounded. ‘Wow, that’sold.’
‘Poppy,’ Kenzie admonished as she placed a tray carrying cups and a plate of biscuits onto the table. ‘Ever since her last birthday, she’s had a fascination with everyone’s age.’
‘Well, I missed your birthday, but I brought you a present. Sorry it’s a bit late,’ he said, leaning over to hand her the gift bag.
‘For me?’ she breathed, reaching for the bag.
She pulled out the teddy bear inside, and Ewan experienced another moment of panic—did four-year-olds even like teddy bears?—before a huge smile broke out across her pixie-like face and she lifted excited eyes to her mother. ‘A teddy bear! Look, Mum.’
‘Aww, he’s gorgeous,’ Kenzie said as she admired her daughter’s gift.
‘What’s his name?’ Poppy asked, turning those big eyes on him, melting his heart all over again.
‘I don’t know. I thought maybe you should give him one.’
He watched as she crinkled her nose and tilted her head to one side as she considered the fluffy caramel bear in her arms. ‘I think I’ll name him Mr Percival.’
