She’d been the one to call him out on his shortcomings and tell Bex over and over again that she deserved more than the scraps their father served up. She’d also refused to allow him to play his mind games, when Briony had clearly become his favourite. She’d rebuffed him in spectacular style when he’d started to reject Bex even more than he had in the past, trying to drive a wedge between the sisters. He was a fool to even attempt that, but then he’d had no idea just how close they were, because of how often Donna wasn’t able to be around.
‘She’s my second mum.’ It was a phrase Briony had often used to describe Bex when she’d introduced her to friends and she’d felt that way too, believing she had the same kind of unconditional love for her little sister as she’d known her mum felt for them both. Except it had turned out not to be the case, because finding Briony in the arms of her fiancé had been enough to killthat love stone dead. At least Bex had thought so, until she’d come face to face with Briony again and realised there’d been a seed of love that not even that had been able to extinguish; a part of her that refused to believe their incredibly close relationship had all been just illusion.
Despite the fact that Briony had used a false name to get close to Tristan and Matt, and the lack of thought she’d shown when she’d invited Tom into her campervan, Bex’s head and heart had continued their battle. She’d been determined to keep her sister at arm’s length, but now the transplant was getting closer, she was beginning to question whether she was doing the right thing once again. It was why she’d been seriously considering going to see Briony, long before Matt had mentioned it, but she just couldn’t go through with it. Tom had already formed an attachment to Briony, and the thought of allowing him to get hurt was enough to keep that seed of love buried deep. In the end, she’d cut off the chance of any further conversation about it with Matt by leaning forward and kissing him.
‘I’m really going to miss you,’ she’d said as she pulled away.
‘Of course you are.’ Matt had dropped a perfect wink and grinned, before reaching out to cup the side of her face with his hand. ‘Although not half as much as I’m going to miss you. I already can’t wait for you to come home, but if you need to stay longer then I want you to know you can. Triss and I will manage, and the boys will be great if they know they need to step up. Sometimes I think Henry is better at keeping the other two in check than I am, he’s like deputy dad these days.’
‘He is.’ She’d tried not to think about the echoes of her relationship with Briony, or how she might feel if her boys ever fell out the way they had. She loved watching the relationship between her sons and it was one of the things that made herheart happiest. It would kill her if she thought that might ever turn to dust, so she refused to think about it.
‘I love you, beautiful Bex, and don’t you ever forget that for a second.’
‘I won’t and I love you too.’ She’d kissed him again before climbing out of the car and heading off to catch her train. Bex had spent most of the journey answering emails and confirming bookings for the campsite. She’d been grateful for how little time it gave her to think. After that, she’d been swallowed up by the belly of the beast that was the London transport system, taking the tube from Paddington to Victoria and then another train to Denmark Hill, before a final short walk to King’s College Hospital, where Ken was waiting for her.
‘You made it.’ He folded her into his arms, clinging on to her as if it had been years since he’d seen her.
‘There was no way I wouldn’t come.’ She breathed in the familiar scent of the sandalwood aftershave he’d always worn. He used soap by the same brand too and the smell was instantly comforting. She’d never felt anything but safe and cared for in Ken’s company and right now the sensation was forcing her to blink back tears. Her mum would be okay. Somehow, she knew that for certain now that she was here with Ken. He’d never allow anything bad to happen to his beloved Donna and, ever since he’d arrived in their lives, he’d lightened the load, easing all their troubles.
‘I’m so glad you’re here, sweetheart.’ Ken let go of a long breath as he pulled away. ‘Your mum is so worried about Briony being on her own tonight, but I can’t be in two places at once.’
‘It’s okay, I can take over sitting with Mum and you can make sure Briony is alright.’ Bex’s tone was steady as she spelled out the way it was going to be. She didn’t want Ken to think there was any room for negotiation, although that didn’t stop him trying.
‘I thought maybe we could divide our time between them.’
‘I know you’ll want to see Mum tonight too, but I’m not going to see Briony.’ She shook her head to emphasise the finality of her decision.
‘What if something happens and?—?’
‘Sorry, Ken.’ She shook her head again as she cut him off. ‘We’ve had this conversation several times already and I know you mean well, but I’ve also had this conversation with Matt and I’m comfortable with my decision. Briony and I haven’t had a relationship for the last sixteen years and it’s too late to go back now.’
‘It’s never too late, until it really is, and I don’t want you to have any regrets.’ Ken held her gaze, until she was forced to blink. Her eyes stinging with unshed tears again. No one seemed to understand that there would always be a huge regret in her life that she and Briony had fallen out so decisively, but some things just couldn’t be undone.
‘I promise that whatever happens I won’t regret not going to see her tonight.’ Bex said the words just as determinedly as she always had done, but she deliberately dropped her gaze to make sure Ken wouldn’t realise it if something in her expression gave her away. The truth was she was nowhere near as sure as she had been that she wouldn’t regret the chance to talk to Briony, if this was her final opportunity, but she had to stick to her guns. If she let her guard down, even a little bit, and experienced a hint of that bond she used to share with Briony, she didn’t think she’d be able to close the door on it again. If felt like it was all or nothing, and, as sad as it was, nothing still felt safer. Pulling back from her stepfather, Bex glanced at her watch. ‘Can I go and see Mum now?’
It was already past 7p.m. and well into visiting hours, which would finish at 9p.m. She didn’t want to waste any more timetalking about Briony when she could be spending it with her mum.
‘Of course, sweetheart. I’ll take you up and then I’ll go and see Briony. They’re on the same ward, but I warned the doctors how wobbly your mum was about going through with the transplant and that I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep them side by side. Seeing Briony undergoing tests and checks right next to her is just going to make her panic even more. So it means you won’t have to see Briony unless you choose to.’
‘I won’t.’ Bex was already moving towards the stairs, not looking back in any sense.
Bex had spent most of the time with her mum filling her in on everything the boys had been up to since she’d been in London, but she’d agreed with Ken that he would get the last half an hour of visiting time with her. She’d decided not to stay too, because she knew her mum would urge her to go off and visit Briony and it was a conversation she was keen not to have with Donna. If it was wrong to allow her mum to think she was going to see Briony when she left her bedside, then she’d have to be wrong, because the last thing she wanted was to upset her mother on the night before her op. Lying by omission might still be lying, but sometimes it was kinder than telling the truth. There were some things she needed to say to her mum before she left though.
‘It’s all going to be okay.’ Bex took her mother’s hand as she spoke. ‘You’ll be home before you know it and the cancer will be gone, and you’ll get to see your beloved boys become men. I just know it.’
‘I do too.’ Her mother’s eyes had gone glassy, but she was smiling. ‘I still wasn’t sure it was the right thing, but your sister told me what Tom said when he went to see her.’
‘What did he say?’ Even as she asked the question, Bex wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer. She hated the thought that Briony had shared a moment with her youngest son that she knew nothing about, like a cuckoo taking over another bird’s nest, and it wouldn’t be the first time Briony had tried to push Bex out of her own life.
‘He said the only thing he wanted for his birthday was for me to get better, because he wouldn’t be able to be happy if I died.’
‘She told him you might die?’ Bex’s voice rose, heat sweeping up her neck and her jaw muscles taut with rage at the thought that Briony had overstepped yet another boundary, but her mother was shaking her head.
‘He overheard the whole conversation you and Matt were having, not just the fact that he had an auntie he knew nothing about.’ Her mother’s tone was even, but somehow it still sounded like an accusation. Bex bit her bottom lip hard, refusing to let Briony cause any tension between her and Donna.
‘Tom is a bit too good at eavesdropping. We’ll have to be more careful.’ She squeezed her mother’s hand again. ‘But he’s right, the only gift any of us want is to have you well again.’
‘I’m incredibly lucky to be so loved.’
