I tap back into Insta. Oshy’s posted a new photo of himself. It’s professionally taken by the club photographer, with the Pride Guernsey tight over his pecs. His arms, compact and bronzed, are folded over his chest in a classic footy player pose.
His caption reads:
Such an honour to play in our inaugural Pride Round match next weekend. Thank you to our LGBTQIA+ supporters for your bravery and resilience. I know I speak for a lot of the boys when I say if there was a gay man in our playing group,he would be welcomed with open arms. #nothingbutlove #loveislove #AFLPrideRound #inclusion
And.
Everyone.
Fucken.
Loves.
Him.
For.
It.
When we were in high school, at recess and lunch we would blow up our juice boxes and stomp on them in the middle of the quad, making them go BOOM, leaving the juice boxes flattened and blown apart and making everyone else in the quad yip.
Oshy’s post is a boot, and my brain is a juice box.
A lot of mean things have been said about me, and maybe I deserve them, but Oshy’s post is what ruins me.
I made a decision a long time ago to protect my footy career. Now that decision has set fire to my career anyway. Worse, some new kid has come in, done what I’ve spent my whole life denying myself, and got love and acclaim for it.
BOOM. My brain is splattered all over the balcony. Does not compute.
I go into a trance.
I walk into my bathroom, grab my clippers and run them straight over my head. Chunks of blond hair fall to the bathroom tiles. I shave until I’ve given myself a complete buzz cut. It makes me look like a robber or a drug addict.
I take off my shirt and shave my chest clean.
I take off my pants and shave off my pubes.
‘No matter what I do, everyone hates me,’ I tell my reflection.
I was told by the club not to post anything until the apology video went out. It’s out now, so that rule doesn’t apply anymore, right?
I take a selfie of my new buzz cut, flipping the camera off with my middle finger, and post it to my Insta stories saying:NO RAGRETS.
Biggest lie I’ve ever told.
DM #3
No ‘ragrets’, Big Dog?
I can think of one big-arse regret you SHOULD have. Imagine letting your club lose a player instead of growing a pair and coming out. Ur hypocrisy is worse than ur bigotry.
A one-game suspension isn’t enough. Your pathetic non-apology video isn’t enough either.
You need to tell the truth in public, so everyone knows what u really are.
Your Worst Nightmare
13
