‘One last question before we let you go,’ Katy says, shuffling some papers. ‘Two weeks ahead is the inaugural East Coast–West Coast Pride Round match between the Eagles and the Swans. Diversity and inclusion in the AFL have been hot topics for a while. Tell me, what does it mean to be part of that initiative? Are the boys getting around it?’
Even though Tessa prepared me, my body has a reaction to the question like a bomb just went off. My ears are ringing and my face is hot. Clear thinking escapes me. The whole country is judging my response to this question. Some people will say I wasn’t supportive enough, some will say I was too supportive. Some might guess what I am.
And whoever sent me that DM knows for sure. Is he watching?
‘Stunning and brave,’ I blurt out.
The three faces on the panel spasm with confusion. Dunk’s mouth twitches, like he recognises the reference. But he remembers the camera and quickly goes neutral again.
‘Uh, how do you mean, exactly?’ Katy splutters.
Tessa must be swearing at her monitor as we speak. My brain has overdosed on adrenaline; it’s poisoned itself; I can’t form a proper response.
‘Just … ah … you know … family members of the LGB … Q … T …’ Fuck, I’ve forgotten the letters and their order. ‘That community … I think … they’re brave,’ I mutter incoherently.Sweat is beading on my forehead. ‘Diversity and inclusion … you know … it’s what footy’s all about, I guess …’
Katy glances at someone behind me. I’d bet a thousand bucks it’s the producer lady giving her the ‘wind this up’ signal.
Before Katy can put me out of my misery, the third panellist, Paul Hardwick, speaks up. Hardwick’s an experienced, hard-nosed footy journo with glasses and the one person on the panel who isn’t an ex-player.
‘Can I circle back to your first response, Hammer?’ Hardwick asks. ‘“Stunning and brave” is a reference toSouth Park, isn’t it?’
Shit.
‘Uh,’ I say. Tessa is gonna kill me.
‘You knowSouth Park?’ Hardwick prods. ‘A notoriously provocative animated TV series?’
‘Yeah, of course,’ I say quickly.
‘So you’ve seen the episode I’m referring to,’ Hardwick says.
‘Yes,’ I say. Not like I can pretend I haven’t, after quoting it.
‘Then you’re aware “stunning and brave” has become an internet meme – a way for people to indicate contempt for something considered woke, without saying it?’
Katy’s staring between me and Hardwick, clearly thrown. Dunk’s knuckles are white.
‘Uh, that’s … not how I meant it, but,’ I say. Phew. Quick thinking.
‘Do you think there’s a need for this Pride Round, Hammer?’ Hardwick asks.
My mouth should not be allowed to operate without my brain’s involvement, but I’ve lost the ability to rationalise.
‘Look, I just wanna play footy,’ I say. ‘I wanna focus on footy. I think I speak for a lot of players when I say that. I don’t think we need a special round for everyone and anyone. Where does it stop? Where’s the straight pride round, you know? I think every round should just be Footy Round.’
In my head, I always imagined an audience cheering if me or anyone else had the balls to say that in public.
Instead, there’s an agonising silence all through the studio.
Hardwick’s eyes glisten at me like he’s won the lotto. ‘Do you think gay men belong in AFL football?’
I grimace. It’s automatic. ‘Not really, no,’ I say. ‘I don’t hate anyone. I just don’t get why it’s being shoved down our throats.’
‘Right,’ Hardwick says. ‘So, it would be fair to say you think the AFL is too woke?’
‘Understatement of the century,’ I say.
‘How do you reconcile that with pulling on the club’s inaugural Pride Guernsey next weekend, then?’ Hardwick asks, an arrow through the heart.
