I never think about it much, but tonight it’s been violently shoehorned into my consciousness. ‘I don’t hate Geraldton, but I couldn’t live there again,’ I admit. Not least because of my parents. I circle back to the compulsory conversation between any two Italians who meet in the wild. ‘So, which part of Italy are you from?’
Jack and I talk about being Sicilian. His family was even more homophobic and horrible than mine: by comparison, I’ve had a cakewalk.
‘Some Italians can’t handle it,’ he concludes.
‘Not only Italians who can be weird about it,’ I say. ‘I just had this big fight with – urgh – you probably don’t wanna hear a sob story.’
‘Yeah nah, fuck that,’ Jack says. ‘Boring.’
‘Oh,’ I say. ‘Fair enough …’
Then he bursts out guffawing. ‘I’m fucking with you, bro. I’m a cunt but not a total cunt. Go on, what happened?’
It’s not a sexy way to end a great root, but I end up spilling my guts about the fight with Sabrina.
‘You seem really pissed at this Sabrina bird,’ Jack muses, plucking another smoke from his pack. ‘Why are you blamingher?’
‘Because she’s made me feel uncomfortable being gay in her house,’ I say.
‘But like, has she got you locked up in a cage?’
‘No …’
‘So you’re free to leave,’ Jack says simply. ‘Why don’t ya?’
‘Well, I think I will,’ I say defensively. I feel like he’s calling me weak and I can’t think of a good comeback. ‘I can’t be myself there anymore.’
Jack winces. ‘Don’t waste time on people who don’t like who you are. Learned that a while back. Let her do her thing. You do yours. You said she tut-tuts at Grindr?’
‘Yeah. She thinks it’s gross.’
‘Bro, you got no business living with someone like that,’ he says. ‘Move somewhere you can talk about your hot Grindr hookups. Like this bloke Jack Brolo who rearranged your guts tonight with his thick wog cock.’ He chortles.
I flick his arm playfully. ‘Yeah. I think you’re right.’
‘Even Grindr’s fucked now,’ Jack goes on, swilling his Woodstock. ‘They forgot they were meant to be an app for men. Few blokes I know got scared off using it cos they’re closeted and had women and non-binary people popping up on the grid. Feels safe to show your face around other gay blokes when you’re discreet – there’s like an unspoken code, right? – but that protection goes up in smoke if you open it to everyone. That app’s jumped the shark – totally unfixable now. We deserve a hookup app for blokes only.’
My heart rate quickens. ‘I don’t know if you’re allowed to say that, are you?’
Jack snorts; bourbon drips from the corners of his mouth. ‘What the fuck are you on about? Notallowed? A bloke isn’t allowed to say he wants an app to meet other blokes for a root? How beaten down are you?’
I imagine Sabrina or some of the people I went to uni with overhearing this conversation and sniping me and Jack for being modern-day gay heretics.
‘Some people I know would lose their shit at this,’ I explain. ‘Everything’s meant to be all-inclusive – even gay sex apps,apparently. Which defeats the purpose and makes them not safe and not what we need. But it’s like: all-inclusive or else.’
‘Or else what?’ Jack demands. ‘Or else they’ll punish us? We’re blokes who fuck blokes.That’s what being gay is. It’s not freedom if we’re living in fear.’
‘I agree,’ I admit. ‘Hey, any chance I could crash here tonight?’ I blurt it out without thinking. Jack is so strong in what he’s saying, it makes me feel safe with him.
Jack shakes his head. ‘Sorry, bro,’ he says. ‘I like you. Hope we can fuck again. Hope we can play footy together. But me and Brick, we have an open relationship only for sex, not anything else. We don’t let guys stay the night. Home is just for us. And he’ll be home soon …’ His forehead creases. ‘I’m not turfing you out into the streets, am I? You got someone you can stay with?’
I pick up my phone. ‘Guess I’m about to find out.’
8
21ST CENTURY (DIGITAL BOY)
CHARLIE
